So last night was a slight improvement from previous nights. When we were laying in bed, H said twice that I was cute, but then he seemed all nervous and qualified this with "sometimes". I don't even remember how I responded to that, but of course I was very happy.
Today I took a day off, but I wasn't telling H that. Ugh and he had been planning to work from home, so now he thinks that I am working too. Things were fine this morning, but then his PC froze and it seems to be broken. We talked about getting another one with my bonus, but once he said "with our situation and not knowing what's going on, probably not a good time to do this."
This is the only time he has mentioned the R in the past 3 weeks or so, and for some reason this made my stomach sink. If I think about it more though, the last time we talked about the R he had said "you know what is happening with us." I guess to be back to a point where he is not being outright negative is much better. I didn't take the bait and instead looked up a place that does PC diagnosis. Shortly afterwards, we were back to potentially buying a new PC. I have chosen to ignore those kinds of R comments unless he actually wants to have a real conversation. For the moment I am just continuing to act like a good friend, and be everything that I was not and should have been in the R before. My heart still breaks when I look at my wonderful H and can't hug him or kiss him, but I know I need to continue to be strong. I am the one with the responsibility to save this M, and I need to keep my focus on the end result, and remember that H may never consciously work on the M. I need to be OK with being the only one working on things, at least in the near-term. I guess he probably feels that he is doing everything he is capable of doing by just not throwing in the towel. I need to respect this and go at his pace...
So he's still here, has been on conference calls for his work, and I know he's in a really bad mood due to his broken PC. I'm trying not to make this about me, but it is hard when there is general negativity it seems to breed more...
ITH
Me:34 H:36 M:5 years T: 8 years Bomb: 07/17/08 I want to be separated for 6 months--I don't know what I want the outcome to be S 07/28/08-11/08/08 Living together ~7 months D Possibly busted?!?!!!
