God grant me the patience and the strength...9

[theotherhalf]

Where is everyone?
I really miss hearing from the old timers like Imlnn, MGoBlue, Snodderly, YR, etc. But I understand that they're busy getting their own lives on track, just wish they'd pop in once in awhile.

I am having a tough time with being patient and staying "still". I am really confused as to what is "really" going on with my H. He is still here. Been here for 2 weeks. On one hand it's like he might be here to stay. On the other it's just till truck is fixed. There has been NO R talk what so ever. I haven't asked anything. And he has said nothing. We talk, we eat together, on the weekends he sleeps in the bed with me, we work outside, we talk about the kids, we go places together. All like normal H and W do. But he is cut off from me. He always has that cold edge to him. No cuddling, no kisses, no hugs, no ILY's. He still initiates sex, but it is just sex.

The other night though I was taking a shower and H came in. I let him. Enjoyed the moment then ran. Always before, he'd try this and I would tell him to get out. Usually the door was locked. (too self consious) This time I let it happen and it was good. But I should have stayed longer and scrubbed his back and relished in the closeness. But I ran like a chicken.I guess I am afraid to make too much of things. Afraid I am going to scare him away. What I might be actually doing is taking all of the fun out of things. Because moments like these then seem cold and make "us" feel dead.

Rambling...sorry... I guess what I am trying to say or asking is that I really don't know how to "be" with my H. I don't know what to say or not say. I don't know what to do or not do. I'm afraid to be too pursuing, but at the same time am I being too cold? I am doing my own thing for me while he is here. But am I leaving him to think that there is nothing left between us?

Help me someone...time feels like it is running out. If he gets that truck fixed, he'll go back home. Have I made a good enough impression that things between us could work out if he came back for good? H knows I love him and want him here, but what I am afraid of is he still believes that life here will go back to the way it was.