No specific advice but I just wanted to say it's nice to see that you are in a much better place emotionally and that you are getting good responses now that you have moved over to the separated forum. Also if you've got Kalni on your case then everyone else will leap aboard with support.
Hey GFI... I was curious, so, have you been to C? Are you going to C? What 180s can you show your W about being more open? (like can you open up to her about how you feel about more neutral things, like work, or the house, or H, but not about you and her obviously). If you arent going to C, but you do start and she finds out about it.. if I were her, I would be VERY intrigued/encouraged by that development.
Just a thought! Thanks for your FB, I am super tired but will get back to you!
Al x
Me:40! H:37 Together: 12yrs IDLY & left 11/07 ADs 03/08 OW 8/08 Reconciled 05/09 now married! my thread
The phrase "TTFN" stand for "Ta Ta For Now," (or good bye) and is currently heard being used by Tigger in some animations of Winne the Pooh. However the term TTFN appeared much earlier in a World War II BBC radio show called "It's That Man Again", otherwise known as ITMA. The program ran for ten years from 1939 to 1949 and Tommy Handley who was the host of this weekly comedy show used the closing line to the listening audience "TTFN". A very popular phase at the time in british culture, although not so popular now.
Lanzo
PS I would love to say that I was a true british historian, but I had a few minutes spare and just googled it.
On the counselling - i did have a run of counselling sessions in the few months just after the bomb - although much of that was spent dealing with the very messy aftermath of the bomb and my desperate wish to try to pinpoint the cause of the situation we were in.
It got to the point where the counsellor herself almost as good as said that we got to a point where we had done what we could so they came to a natural stop.
I'm not really sure about the terms I would use to engage another counsellor or the kind of approach that would be best for me now.
KBO - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
Thanks Lan, none of what you wrote made any sense except the Winnie the Poh part but I am not going to worry about it...
GFI, I did the same thing withe the C. We came to a point where I only went there for a drink (she used to serve a scotch during our late night sessions) and for the laughs (I made her laugh). After a while she said she had nothig else to offer to me...
I guess this is the time when after the panick and the emotional stress you can really stand back and look at the situation "objectively" and most of all focus on the REST of your life, not just your M. Next stop: detachment. Not "as if detachement", pure, solid, good detachement. And if you are lucky this will come across to your S and things may start turning around. I havent had the time to go back and read at your posts and see what has happened but I will.
Can you feel that you have the "power" to "create" certain reactions from her? Can you tell if some things you do catch her by surprise? Can you feel that she is not that unpredictable anymore? Do you have the defense mechanisms in place yet that save you hurt and stress? I am just wondering... Once you get hold of yourself, regain your "coolness" (which I think you have judging by your posts) you can really start showing her who you are... xxx K
Looking at the rest of my life with any clarity is a bit difficult right now - the constants that were there are gone - maybe i need to start revising how i think of the future now away from concrete things to ideas and ideals.
As for detachment - well i think I have reached a certain level of serenity and acceptance, I think I have a way to go to reach true detachment but I think there is little I can do to hurry this along - that's a time thing perhaps.
On the surprising W - I think the goodwill I show her surprises her and i think she expected me to fall apart when I moved out - I haven't.
I definitely have the power to create negative reactions in her!!! But thats a power I haven't exercised in a good while i'm pleased to say. On a more positive front recently I have managed to turn a few conversations round that started out with the potential for going downhill into more positive interactions and I have shown that I can have a positive interaction with her without being needy and weak - but strong and upbeat, business like but friendly - I think that this has surprised her.
KBO & TTFN! - GFI
Me: 40ish W: 40ish Together: 20 ish years Married: 10ish Years
