My relationship took a strange, but necessary turn. We've realized we have to make a change in our living situation right away, in the form of, we have to sell my house and either he will buy a house or we'll buy a house together.
We currently live in my house, which I've owned for 15 years (and which I lived with my ex-h and family in). I love my house beyond all necessary levels of love you should have for your house...I have an attachment to it, a deep one. But I'm ready to move on. I need to and I have to, I need to break away from all the associations with my old life I have in this house. Breaking away from this house will mean I can finally move on in emotional and financial ways.
For him, it will mean he will be free of the constant remodeling and improvements this house needs. It is too overwhelming to us both, and we've already been living in it and remodeling it for two years. Its time to move on.
This all came out as a result of our counseling, and then several direct discussions about the things that cause our fighting.
Right at this moment, I am in a good place with the decision, and luckily in my area and in my neighborhood, housing markets haven't done too bad. So it will probably not cause us a loss due to market value to try to sell right now.
We have a back up plan in case it doesn't sell right away.
So...a new and different living situation for me is on the horizon. Luckily, we think it will still be in the same format - engaged and anticipating a wedding. But we do still have some things to work out in counseling before we set another wedding date. (We've already set two now, missed one, the other was supposed to be February 2009 but that is unlikely to happen now...although not 100% out of the question...just too many other things have to happen first).
He is a different man just by talking about making this change, and the difference in him is helping me a LOT because I can see light at the end of a tunnel that I couldn't see before.
As for our sex life...
It has taken a back seat to all of our other issues, and I'm actually ok for once. This is tremendous maturity for me, as I am somewhat of a sex addict (he is my drug, sex with him and his body and our chemistry are my drug)...but I'm really ok and just calm. Knowing our fighting may stop is giving me extra strength. I don't feel sexually abandoned like I may have felt a few months ago if our sex life fell off the map. I just feel like this is normal given these stressful circumstances, and I am patient, knowing he is capable of true intimacy and passion with me - - once we get moving on some of these plans (and continue to address our issues in counseling), I am confident the sex will return better than before.
I may still not have time to respond to other's threads for a bit...but hopefully I can get back in touch with everyone on their threads again soon.
Hang in there, everyone...I am always still reading your updates even if I don't respond.
