I could understand how Getting a life would help, it is just you feel paralysed with fear. It takes tremendous effort to start, but once you do it gets easier.
All the words in the world cant do it alone, I think for any newcomers, we should think of a little step to give them each day. It is to big in that raw stage to say - "get out there".
Even though I am still lost , life looks a little clearer, you do come through this and without even realising it, doing the simplest of things, a little walk, your nails done, a hot bath all seem to be banked within you and then one day you just feel a little better.
My focus this morning is not to think 2, 4,6 years from now, but just to be in the moment. Today without H , i am going to achieve ...... and i do it.
Only needed half sleeping pill last night. Time to come off them as well.
You know this new H is just surprize after surprize.
I go away Sat morning. I asked H to be in charge of kids ( teenages need some supervision ) That was 2 days ago. Today he rings my mother and asks her to watch them until sunday as he is flying to Auckland for a poker tournament.... Oh my god he has not lived with these kids (other than 2 months in the middle) for 18 months. They ahve never stayed with him - well rarely !
How do you not get angry ?
D18 disappointed ( due to the fact he is good cook ). He does not care. He used to be the a selfless man - or maybe I just thought that !
I hope I am around for the day he wakes up. i seriously doubt he will now. It may take him to loose the lot.
I cant be concerned. I have to work on me. Right now i am soooo angry , which is an emotion I have not had for a long time.
If the shoe was on the other foot, I would of explained to H wht I was doing. He has become so secretive. He never said a word on Tuesday when I mentioned going to aussie. He must of known he was going to poker tournament. It is an ugly ugly uglyside of him. Probably like me in midst of A. secretive, destructive and ugly.
All these betraying spouses are always going to surprise. In fact expect it. They live in a place we call Fog land. Yes they are self centered and its all about them.
Your spouse is in the fog so if you expect rational reasoning and responsibility you are going to be the one who gets hurt and frustrated. Try to have no expectations from him right now and sad to say but even with parenting. Seen it over and over. They are not the parent or spouse you once knew. No amount of reasoning is going to get through their fogged head. Time helps but thats it.
I really think you should jump in with both feet and GAL. I started salsa lessons 3 weeks after discovery. Did i want to? Not really. Did I feel like it? Not really i wanted to lay in bed i was miserable. But I forced myself to continue on living and to GAL because there is something to it.
Its good for spouses to see you continuing to live and become strong and confident. I personally think it shakes them a bit. I think they wonder how dare you not revolve every second of your mind and emotions not on me. Why are you having fun?
Please don't skip the GAL. It's in the book because its been tested and proven out. You need to invest in you right now and if your marriages comes around then H can benefit from the new you. How are your 180's going?
Me-38 H-38 Married 18years Daughter-17 & Son-9 Discovery of EA/PA 4/23/08 Left home 5/08/08 Moved in with OW 08/01/08
The only rock I know that stays steady, the only institution I know that works is the family. -- Lee Iacocca
I am not sure there is OW but he has said if nothing else he is ready for OW. Him going away is likely to be a tounament. I know have booked it weeks ago. Is OW going 50/50. Not much point for overnight tournament which may take hours and hours. H is not saying anything anyway.
i sent another mail today letting him know I will move out of this house every 2nd weekend until he gets his own place. Our sitch is to hard on kids. Financially he cannot get his own place just yet.
I also told him that I was still working on disconnecting from him as husband, lover and that in order to help , I dont want to know anything about what he is doing.
Why oh why am I ok if i think he is miserable and alone and when I dont think that i fall into pits of despair?
