Tired of the fight and ready to hang it up.

[SingleDad]

Little Engine - I get that sick to my stomache feeling frequently. I feel the same way you do about fighting or giving up the fight. My fight was trying to convince her to stay with me, that she is making the wrong decisions - that kind of fight just backfires

Instead, It is all about DBing and GALing... You need to live your life - that is what is important.

You are in a fortunate (?) position where your W is confiding in you when things are bad with OM. That is, you are the friend who is there for her when she is down (even if you do not want to hear it)... That is the best position to be in to regain your relationship over time.

Keep your head up and learn to enjoy your life (As I am trying to do somewhat unsuccessfully).

[Little Engine]

Journaling--W didn't forget meeting and rang me up as I was driving through a little town about ten miles east of her hometown. She wasn't far behind me and asked if I remembered the meeting. I said I hadn't and told her where I was. She said "Slow down and you will see me, I am just coming up to the highway." I thought that was sort of weird. We had the meeting at the school and then W asked if I could stay and watch the kids while she went to the bank to sign the paperwork for a new car. "Uhhhh, sure?" So the kids and I played for about an hour and then W came home and joined us for a bit and I started helping kids with their homework. S has much more homework this year and says he feels really overwhelmed. D had a little bit of reading to do so I helped her with that. W pulled me into the bedroom and started with some talk about the D and I got upset and explained that what she is doing is hurting our kids. I went out to the front room to take the kids to gymnastics and told W "They are hurting because of what you and OM are doing, and they are going to grow up and know who wanted to work it out and who didn't!" I took S & D to gymnastics and W went to her social club.

W said "I don't know" a bunch last night. I probably heard that from her more than anything. I guess I feel the same way. She will not change, is only in it for herself and I have been fighting this for twelve years. I think I don't have anything left and then my kids start crying when I have to leave. W doesn't see that they are in pain. I said "Go ask them, would they rather have me back home and us together or you carting them to see OM all the time?" Frustrating.

[SingleDad]

Ok - so maybe things aren't going so well.

Hard to hold back feelings about W and OM breaking up the family - and getting angry with her about it - I continue to do the same thing.

vs. DBing and being happy with your life.

I do not know how to juggle them and separate them either.

But at this point in my legal separation - we live apart and anthing I say about us or her BF - just gets her angry and doesn't call for days.

Rock and a hard place.

[A in Ohio]

"They are hurting because of what you and OM are doing, and they are going to grow up and know who wanted to work it out and who didn't!"

LE I feel for ya. Same sh*t w/ my W but this quote isn't acceptable. Other than lashing out, what does it accomplish? My IC said that other than a physical threat, don't worry about what W is doing w/ the kids right now. It's hard to stomach but you can't heal the kids right now. They need you to be the rock.

[Little Engine]

Yeah, you are right A. I said it in frustration. Just wanting to get some instant answer to a problem that can only be solved by time. She wants me to come down Friday to watch a movie at school with the kids. I think the stars are lining up at work so I will be able to attend.

[Arthur]

LE - Bit like A above. Be careful with those commeents, they gain you nothing, but W more reason to run.

The phrase silence is golden I believe is very apt when nothing you say will be beneficial. I must use it more myself.

Thinking of you buddy

[kelaaron]

Yes i agree. Especially when you say them out of anger. Please tell me you didn't say it in front of kids. Le-they are so young and they need you both, and even if they know you aren't together, they can't know your deep personal feelings about it. They have their whole life to find out the sitch and form their own opinions. Remember who you have to be to them. Did you listen to the songs on J's thread?

[kelaaron]

no idea what i said but you are welcome

[Babygirl]

LE, thats hard, know that you are loved, you are an awesome dad, and you CAN do this.

[Tawnya]

Ditto to what BG said..You rock man!

Tawnya