How to start from scratch in 12 Mos Separation ?

[Kakatal]

SD,

Thanks for stopping by my thread. I appreciate the kind words you posted of support.

Kakatal - I am amazed at how well your are getting along with your W who is divorcing you for another man.

It is a daily challenge, one that I am not very successful at. He is her 1st, slept with him when she was 13. Ugh. Least he lives 6000 miles away..for now.

My W is doing the same thing to me - and I mostly react with anger, clinginess, and dwell on my own loneliness.

Therein lies your issue. You have to realize you have a CHOICE in how you react. Took me a LONG time to become aware of that & I still fail miserably at it.

I just do not know how so many people are so easily able to adjust and accept the new reality.

Nothing about this is easy! Accepting it is the only way to deal with it, else I could easily see myself in your shoes, reacting the same way.

I am trying to GAL and DBing... but deep down I am resentful and lonely. I am trying to accept things and get along with my WAW for the sake of our daughter, but I do not find that easy to do - it's like giving her the "ok" to her choices.

I know I have no chance even years from now if I cannot get back to being friends with her.

The only way to start accepting things is to realize that this is her CHOICE, her decision. You have no control over it. You cannot change it - you have to respect it, accept it & deal with it. You cannot make her see the light with words - she cannot be reasoned with. I read your thread & you continue to try to email/talk sense into her. Has it worked? Nope. Stop. You need to find a different way to get your message across to her that she made a poor choice. The best way you can is to take a hard look at yourself, deal with your issues, improve yourself & get on with your life.

I am trying to deal with the being friends issue. 4 months of this crap & I am no closer to being friends than I am to having my w see me in a new light. One step forward, two steps back seems to be the unbreakable pattern.

You have gotten great advice - go back & read your thread from the beginning. Give my thread a read from the beginning if you want to see how anger, control & insecurity can royal screw up a marriage.

Keep you head up. Enjoy every moment with your D. Be her rock, her foundation through all of this. My kids have filled the void left in my heart with more love than I knew I could feel. They give their love unconditionally - something we seem to lose as we age. Glad I have them in my life to remind me of what is important. My marriage may fail but I will never fail my kids - they are all that truly matter.