For the Guy with Kids and a WW Neunzehn(19)

[whatdidido]

Oh now, that is just crazy talk.......you really think God wants your wife to have an affair with another man and leave her husband for him. C'mon now.

[karen43]

Maybe OM was put in her life to help you grow? Yeah, WDID I think you're right that God had nothing to do with that, but He turns evil to good maybe by having good things come out of it? Karen

[hopeful4her]

Crazy?

I reckon. She drives me crazy.

"Crazy...crazy for feelin' so lonely....."

I just said crazy so many times, it doesn't even sound like a word. Didja ever do that? Try ketchup.


I don't think that's what God wants.



Tonight, I went to pick up Juli from daycare. I hadn't heard from the wife. I called Miguel to let him know that I was going to pick him up, but he had a friend over and they were going to to the weight room to work out tonight. He didn't want to come and that was okay. I go to pick up Juli and Amanda calls me from a neighbors apartment. They are all there helping the little girl with her math. As I'm driving to the apartment, someone jumps out and flags me down. It was the neighbor A that I have spoken to before. I stop and I see Amanda at her door. A is a single mom going through some tough times. She is the one that commented on how well the wife get along, for being divorced. I told her, "Were not", and she got embarrassed.

I swear that most everyone that lives there is separated or something. Amanda were cracking up about it on Sunday.

A starts to tell me how she needed help with her daughters homework. I ask how she is doing because I know she lost her job a month ago and was waiting on unemployment. She says she hasn't gotten anything yet, that her ex's parents are going to sue her for full custody.

Her ex is in prison for indecency with a child, or something crazy like that.

This one is not being added to the list of Alphabet girls, but I swear that everyone of these single girls that I keep meeting have BIG time drama. ALL of them.

We talk for a while out there. She says that for the custody hearing, she has to come up with a list of about 1 to 2 thousand names to possibley subpoena to testify on her behalf.

She said 1 to 2 THOUSAND! I made her repeat it. Twice.

Cuckoo, cuckoo!

"Yeah, I was going to ask your.......uh.....SPOUSE, I guess...."
I said, "Yessss."
"If she would sign something for me."
"I'm sure she would."

You know. Birds of a feather.

I start to cut the conversation because by this time, Amanda has gone to the apartment, gotten her stuff and gotten back and into my truck.

She tells us goodbye and I take off. Okay, I used to think she kinda hot, but not no mo.

I get us home, cook some dinner, help Juli with homework and get them to take showers. While Juli is in the shower, the wife calls and Amanda answers it. I'm in my room puting some stuff away and I hear Amanda saying goodbye and walking towards me. She hands me the phone, and I look at her like, "What?"
"It's mom."
"She wants to talk to me?" I mouth to her.
"Yes. Here!"

I tell her hello and she says that she is at the store.
"What do I need to get from the store?"
"What do YOU need from the store?" I say back to her.
"Yeah, for Thanksgiving."
"Oh. What do you WANT to eat?"
"I don't know" she laughs.

We start to talk about what we want to make and tell her the things I got and we talk for a bit about that. Then I ask her how her dinner went. She tells me that she went with another coworker at her office, because they were the only two that helped from her branch. Turkey dinner.

I know she had turkey at her Complex last Friday, so I say,
"AGAIN?"
"What do mean? Thats the first time I've had turkey."
I remind her about last Friday, and she says, "Oh yeah."

We discuss that we both need milk, and she offers to buy a gallon for me that I can just take home with me tomorrow, and I say ok. She says that she needs to buy some other stuff for turkey day at her office.

"Otra ves?!" I say to her. Spanish, meaning "Again?!"

She laughs and says that she is going to be "turkeyed out".

Then I decide to ask her about her test.

"Didn't you get my email?"
"No"
"I didn't pass. I missed it by 4 points."
I tell her that I didn't get her email. She says she sent it to me around noon. She blames her IT department and says that they sometimes screen her outgoing emails. Maybe I'll get it tomorrow.

She explains that she gets one more chance to pass it next month. We talk about it a little, and I tell her she'll pass it next time and blame the crappy day she had yesterday. I tell her that I'll check and see if Juli is finished.

She says, "Okay. I can't talk and....."
"You can't what? Talk and shop at the same time?"
"Yeah, shop. I can't talk and shop at the same time" she laughs.
"What? Did you have some wine?"
"No. I had juice. All they had was unsweetened tea."
"Well, at least you got to get out."
"What do you mean?"
"At least you got to go out to a restaurant."

We talk about where they had the dinner. They had it at the main branch office cafeteria. I had thought they were going to have it at a restaurant. At this point, I tell her to hold on, that I was gonna give the phone to Juli. She says she'll talk to me tomorrow. I remind her about picking up Juli for me tomorrow and she says she remembers. I ask if she wants me to pick up pizza for dinner and she says no, she had pizza for lunch. She'll get something from the store right now. I tell her okay, and finally do give the phone to Juli.




Okay, it seems like I've been trying to post this one for hours.



I had gotten the girls to bed finally and at 9:30, the wife called me asking if I had gotten a letter from a certain creditor. I had started to post here. This started a conversation that just ended at just after 11pm. We just kept talking about different stuff. Our now repo'd vehicles, her neighbor A, to thankgiving, recipes, waiting to get a turkey because someone might give her one, to credit card bills we both can't pay, how she slept last night, how I can't sleep much either, to my parents, her mother, her sister and how she never calls her like she says she will. She says,

"People are just liars. I can't trust anyone."

My sister, my work, her work, her test, our kids, their school grades, how good they have been in our financial mess, her bank account, overdraft fees, how her next check is basically gone, other banks, comparing our business account products, CD rates, savings accounts, the economy, gas prices, videos, Miguels cell phone usage, texting, utility bills, how she won't have cable again pretty soon, me adding a cell phone for Amanda, how she can't remember when the last time she took the kids out to eat, how broke we both are, people that we haven't seen in years, mutual friends that we know, mutual clients that we now know about, two ex boyfriends she has seen at work, one from high school, one from junior high that I just found out is a client of her and of mine, my old friends, groceries, and on and on.

Just....talking.

She initiated the conversation. First with the call about the creditor. We spent some time with that. When I thought she was finished, she mentions out of nowhere that her mom called her at work today and how the conversation went. Really no conversation because the wife was busy, but by MIL's tone, she did not want to talk to call her back. I validate how she felt about her mom. About 30 minutes into our conversation, she started to get emotional again. The financial stuff. I changed the conversation to a different topic, and we just kept on talking. We chuckled a bit, was serious for a bit, and got sad for a bit.

But it felt really good to just...talk. She ended it with, "Well, I better let you go." She says she will pick up Juli tomorrow and for dinner, we'll have roast beef sandwiches.
I yawned and then she yawned.
"You have a good night."
"Okay. Goodnight" I tell her.
Bye.
Bye.

That is the longest non-relationship conversation we've had in....I couldn't even tell you. There were some quiet moments, me thinking, her thinking. It wasn't just quick animated conversation points. It was just an easy and laid back talk between two people that seem to care about each other.

[lost_in_space]

H4H

Hmmmmm. When you were done, how did you feel about what went on this evening. I read crazy at the top (Patsy Cline you ain't - sorry bud), but how do you feel now?

And after that answer, next question is are you ok to let it go and look forward to tomorrow? ie) are you dwelling on what happened? Hope you don't think it is a silly question (blame the long travel day for me), but if it were me, would go with the flow and then move to what is next. You?

[hopeful4her]

Randy, I only take it for what it was. Her and I talking like we used to. I'm not jumping up and down. She didn't have an epiphany nor did a "light" switch on. It did feel good. Nice to have that kind of conversation with her and not someone else.
It was a nice step forward.

And that is all it was. A step. Tomorrow, she goes back to him. But the more I can get her to open up to me, the better for the home team. Need to make sure to not go to deep into the "friend zone", though.

It is the reason why I have held off on "truth darting" her. Allowing an opportunity for her to open up to me. I didn't consider this conversation deep or her really opening up, meaning feelings about us or anything, but letting her talk and me validate some things.

It wasn't like a husband and wife talking. It was two people that hurt in similar ways and have a lot in common. Maybe she heard herself last night crying how she regrets pushing her dad away. How she was a terrible daughter. Just replace "dad" with "husband" or "best friend", and "daughter" with "wife".

And yeah, your post was a little puzzling. Although, I'm kinda tired too.

[hopeful4her]

I just finished watching the clip.

Thank you, Beej.

[whatdidido]

You're welcome. I have more where that came from.

I'm glad you are having no expectations from the talks you have been having. It's a good place to be in your mind to keep your sanity. But, know that you are right that it is a step in the right direction. So, if you had relationship talk with her right now, how would she react? Give me a little example so I can understand where you are at. In your example conversation ask her: WOuld you be willing to go to REtrouvaille for a weekend and see what comes of it?, With everything that has happened to you lately, are you still feeling good about your choice to separate? Why?, etc.

[hopeful4her]

I can't have any expectations, because we had nice conversations and good times before she moved out and me knowing she was giving herself to OM.

I think that I should do some more feeling out. I know her too well. She'll feel pushed and defenses shoot right up. I'll keep playing it by ear.

I did send her an email today. I saw that I had a quaranteened email and it was from her from yesterday. She sent it to my work email, and for some reason, her emails from work get quaranteened.

She sent,

"Subject: I didn't pass. missed it by 4 points.

I just drew a blank on some of the questions, I can retake the test again next month"


I replied from my Yahoo,

"Hey you,

You sent your email to my Compass email, silly. It got quaranteend again, so it was delayed on MY side, not yours. It finally came in at about, oh.....12:30 this morning.

It was nice talking to ya' last night and hope you got some sleep. I think I passed out at about 1:30 again and up at 5:45 as usual, when the girls are at the house.

I heard that tylenol pm helps you sleep. Think about trying that before a prescription. I might try it myself. Maybe I'll get some after work.

Have a great one and talk to ya' later. Looks beautiful outside today.

R"

I got a text a little bit ago from her older sister, nephews mom. It was a picture of the baby, who is now 2 years old. I sent back a text telling her how beautiful the baby is and that maybe I can take the girls to see her for a bit this weekend. I asked if she sent it to her sister. She sent back that she didn't have her number. I sent back that I was going to see her tonight, I'll send her the pic and tell her to call her. That they needed to work out whatever was going on. She agreed.

[Sugar and Spice]

(((H4H))) Just stopping by to give you a hug.

[InLikeFlynn]

Being the fence-mender between the sisters will be another great brownie point!!! Something the enemy couldn't have done!!