Why does a M with normal problems have to end in divorce?
Why does a friend tell you that they've just gotten seperated?
Why do affairs have to happen???
Yesterday, I heard yet another story of a good M go bad. A woman I know just told me her H is having an affair with her best friend. No more than five minutes later an old school friend of mine tells me his W is having an MLC. Could I be wrong in saying the MLC condition is growing worse?
I think deep down my W is a very good person. She got infected by the MLC bug after her dad got in a terrible accident. I remember how reluctant she was to hug me when I left the hospital. Her strange behavior didn't stop there either. Her kisses seemed more like tests than a show of affection. Sometimes she would give a hard kiss or a light kiss on the side of the lips. I knew something was wrong.
Today, things are some what better. More than five years no kisses or ILYs. What we have are hugs. Some hugs are better than others. The MC we were seeing was making things worse. Each session would start off with one of us tattling on the other. He was a great mediator, but our M wasn't getting any better.
After our last session I did a lot of praying. I begged God for help and I received what I asked for. I wasn't thinking big when I asked him for help. I prayed to God for baby steps, when I should of asked him to restore my M. Sometimes I try to get things moving; which only makes things worse. Other times I would do my own thing.
A week or two ago my W and I had a fight about money. Five years ago I took away her ATM and credit cards. After all she was keeping and spending her own money. This strategy worked until my W was approved for her own credit cards. She rang up thousands of dollars worth of debt. Guess who bailed her out? Just when I thought everything was under control - another bill would pop up. During our fight she told me I could open up her mail. Today, I opened up a new credit card bill.
When I asked her about the bill she got angry. She asked why I was openning up her mail. When I reminded her about bill discussion she said I was only allowed to open up the bills she leaves on the table. Just another lie I told her. Don't say I can open up the bills and then say only the ones on the kitchen table. None of the last bills where on the kitchen table.
More and more the thoughts of divocing her come into my head. She doesn't respect me and often I feel like I'm being used. I told her I'm only going to do what I want to do. After all we are seperated.
I could hear her mumbling to herself as she got ready for work. I wasn't phased by anything she wanted me to hear. When she left she gave me a big tight hug. Perhaps it was just another test or maybe she was trying to feel something.
The next time when I pray to God regarding my M, I'm going to be more specific of what I want.
