I do see your point and I do think that it's perfectly reasonable not to be used. What would the old you have done? What would the you that hasn't had a lot of success done? If it's being Mr. Nice guy and helping her out, then perhaps the hard stand is the better choice. I'm struggling with this though because I haven't got the vibe from her that she's as far gone as some. She isn't nasty and angry. She allowed the argument to get smoothed over. It is a lot to ask of you though.
In the end, you have to do what is best for you, regardless of her. If you've reached a point where you say, "I'm done with you unless you are done with OM", then go ahead and tell her that you aren't interested. Say, "do you think that this would be reasonable if we were divorced, as we appear to be headed for?" If you are going to say no, then don't make it about OM or how he should help her out financially. Make it about you and your boundaries. "We are divorcing. You set me free. I set you free. I'm not indifferent or unsympathetic with your plight, but you made this decision and I respect that. You'll need to figure out a different way to make this work for you." Whatever. I'm no good at this kind of thing.
I'm trying to be Mr. good little DBer even though I know there is no way I wouldn't kick my wife to the curb and quit worrying about how she was fairing. I just didn't feel comfortable suggesting that to you because of what I saw as positives that you could maybe start from. Puppy might have a better idea...and probably not rescuing her is more wise. Sorry to be wishy-washy...I'm really having a hard time with your situation.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
