I think for me it was all three too....and keep in mind that I was much older than even your oldest daughter. From the way you talk the one that has the biggest problem is the oldest and that would make sense to me because she has more of an understanding of what is going on.
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Not only will I not feed into that I guess I need to explain to them that their meeting Mom's BF is NOT being disloyal to me.
I think that is very important, and also very big of you to do. Remember this would not be about making your xw or her bf comfortable...but your kids. When I met my dad's GF (now wife) I felt like I couldn't even tell my mom because I didn't want her to hurt. I felt like...and still do to some extent...that I couldn't like her because then I would be disloyal to my mom.
It is hard on the kids at any age and hard for them to get used to the idea. Just be there for them and let them know that their feelings are perfectly normal.
