I know, Snodderly. I do know, and I do come here to vent and I write in my "regular" journal too. The past couple of weeks have been very hard for me since finding out about the PA, and my emotions have been all over the place. I get very angry at myself for that!!!
Hiya, SC --
I would add an "amen" to this, and add that anything your husband or OW tells you regarding their affair is almost certainly going to be a LIE anyway, so why are you asking THEM to provide YOU with reassurance about ANYTHING??
Go get yourself tested, and then re-test again in six months. If your husband gets to the point where he wants to ML with you again, insist that he get tested first, and provide you with a copy of the results.
I think you're getting phenomenal advice here, but you asked me to stop by and give you my two cents, so here it is:
You need to do whatever it takes to get yourself more stable, immediately, before you can do anything to reconcile your marriage. You basically answered that for yourself, several posts ago, when you said (and I'm paraphrasing): "Who wants to be around someone who's melting down all the time?"
I believe it was Snodderly who said you've got to stop confiding in your husband, and turning to HIM for your emotional support right now. He's not in a position to help you (he's his own mess right now), and unfortunately he only sees this as WEAK, and "weak" isn't attractive. So come here, or call a friend or family member (I'd caution against MIL), but don't seek your consolation from your husband right now.
As I read all of your posts, from beginning to today's, I was struck by how STRONG you were in your initial confrontation with your husband. I found myself wanting to stand up and CHEER, alone in my office, for how you handled yourself that day! It may not have been classic DBing, but it sure was inspirational!
Somewhere the past month, THAT woman has gone away. We need to get her back.
