The Bumpy Road to Recovery #2

[Bagheera]

The Experiment

The last two weeks were pretty smooth, as both of us put forth an effort to reqroup and recover lost ground. No arguments or fusses, good comminication, decent sex (not great, but that's alright), and the restoration of a definite emotional and physical connection between us.

But there was still some 'tension' there, in the background.

So this week, our counselor interviews each of us individually and informs me that my wife is still feeling a lot of PRESSURE, both in the areas of non-sexual touch and sexual frequency. For the most part, she's able to respond and has slowly been moving in my direction over the past several months (remarkably so, actually), but that the --pressure-- is still there, and it's wearing on her.

So the experiment for the next two weeks is for me to back off a couple of notches, and let her approach me in both areas. I'm not to stop approaching her entirely, but will give her some 'space' to feel her desire to approach me, and then for her to act on that desire, to take the initiator role rather than continue to play the role of responder.

We shall see.

I'll admit to being rather skeptical at this point. In my experience with her, I have to take the lead if changes in the relationship are going to happen. Left to her own devices, she will stand still in the road, even if the spot is not a particularly good one: at least it's familiar to her, rather than venturing forth into the unknown. She might *think* about moving, but utimately decides it's not worth the risk. We remained 'stuck' in the same spot for 20 years, until I made it clear that unless we made changes and began to travel down the road to a better relationship, the relationship would end right there.

So based upon the above, you can see my part in this experiment: to re-develop my TRUST in her with regard to her actively pursuing our emotional and physical connection. For the past year, I've been the one pursuing it and actively maintaining it -- and I'm admittedly afraid to pass the reins over to her.

Wish us luck!

-- B.