Signs to say WAW woke up?

[dday101798]

:

"Possibly because of the success of your recent activities, there are new lessons to be mastered. Find out what they are, if nobody has told you yet."

Was replying to another thread and a realization came to me. All this new 'quarreling' going on IS my fault for getting upset after we met and things went well and then seeing she was with OM. New lesson to master, somehow not letting that get to me, that oughta be interesting.

[AmyC]

:

"Possibly because of the success of your recent activities, there are new lessons to be mastered. Find out what they are, if nobody has told you yet."

Was replying to another thread and a realization came to me. All this new 'quarreling' going on IS my fault for getting upset after we met and things went well and then seeing she was with OM. New lesson to master, somehow not letting that get to me, that oughta be interesting.

That's an excellent observation you just made.

[dday101798]

That's an excellent observation you just made.:)

Yeah, but that's the easy part. The whole time I've always tried to do as recommended, investigate and determine what the oher person offers to your spouse that you didn't. Unfortunately there's only 2 things I can come up with and one of which is verifiable: he 'parties' with her all night (verifable) and provides a better sex life.

Both of which I coudn't do all the time, I have a career and responsibility, I need to be well rested and lastly and most importantnly, I am not in the position to show change in those areas.

Otherwise, there is absolutely NOTHING I or anyone else can determine that draws her to him.

So, that fuels my frustration. We have a great talk and seem like we're going somewhere and then she's back getting those two things from him. And those 2 things are kind of hard to find a compromise for and deal with and let roll off.

[AmyC]

That's an excellent observation you just made.:)

Yeah, but that's the easy part. The whole time I've always tried to do as recommended, investigate and determine what the oher person offers to your spouse that you didn't. Actually no it's not. It's EASY to pick up books etc...that tell you what might have been the problem or LEAD you into thinking you know what some of the problems were - those things are great and they are extremely helpful. But there ain't nothing like that school of hard knocks. Where you learn what you've learned because YOU are living it and IT DAWNED ON YOU, with no outside help. Do not ever discount that. It's in the valleys of your life that you will grow the most.

Unfortunately there's only 2 things I can come up with and one of which is verifiable: he 'parties' with her all night (verifable) and provides a better sex life. Well...I'll put it to you like this: parties don't last forever. And neither do d*cks. Of ANY kind. So know that sooner or later, it's gonna come time to pay the piper. And the landlord and the electric bill, the cable bill, etc... and all his "shine" is gonna start to look very dull. Because he is not a man of substance. Not one like you, that though flawed, is here trying to save your family. So to hell with your image of the other guy. Don't get caught up in the same delusion your wife is in where he's concerned. Keep it real.

[dday101798]

Candidly spoken as ever Amy

Don't worry, I'm not tyring to compare myself, I actually typed comparisons in my original reply but then thought better of it as it's irrelivant. (another observation? )

The only thing good that can come of her 'parties' is she gets fired from work. She lives in her father's house, rent and bill free. She has zero financial liability other than groceries. Dunno, she's been in 'party mode' since we bought the house back in 2004, it's got to get old at some point, I know it did for me.

Just going to ponder ideas and strategies to keep my mind at ease knwoing when they are together. It's weird, sometimes it doesn't bother me at all yet most it does, so somewhere somehow, I know the answer as I can be ok at times, just have to find the consistancy.

[dday101798]

Something is going on.

W called housemate again last night and had both boys leave my house. They were acting very odd, my youngest did his best to avoid contact with me.

One housemate is leaving at the end of this week. I found the other main housemate had notes written down regarding apartments. And my brother in law that lives with me has pretty much barracded himself in his room. My other brother in law from out of town is here on weekdays which is highly unusual.

My father in law again rejected payment for the house in any form but cash.

I'm getting the impression that either A) someone, possibly OM's sister who is pretty wealthy loaned her money to file or B) and highly unlikely, she's coming home.

I was stnading in the kitchen last night as she was on the phone with housemate to tell him to send the kids over and he said "yeah, he's right here, you want to talk to him?" and I could hear her proclaim "NO!".

[AmyC]

Hmmm...that does sound strange.

Stay on your toes and try to keep the kids out of the middle of whatever it is.

I don't know what to say other than be careful and keep us posted...



You know....you could ask her wth is going on?

She owes you that much.

But you can't ask unless you can keep your cool no matter what her answer is.

So imagine the worst case scenario - and see what your emotions are - if you can maintain them, ask her.

Though a certain degree of fear and uncertainly are the norm on THIS playground, it is wrong for your wife to perpetuate those emotions with seeming cloak and dagger behavior that might effect your home and your children.

Stand up for yourself.

But not like a stick of dynomite, exploding everywhere.

With dignity.

[dday101798]

"Asking" her anything is futile as best.

I am assuming the worst case scenario for sure.

It's also come to my attention that I needent focus on OM anymore as with their "open relationship" there's a good probabilty there's others she's been with. Lovely.

I hav my notes from a 'discussion' I had with a police detective she calle don me back in September. He says she can take them without notice or reason, so whatever is going on, all I can do is sit back and wait.

***edit, can't really keep the kids out of anything when I've seen them a grand toatl of 20-25 minutes the past two days.

[AmyC]

Get yourself a separation agreement or whatever your state requires to set visitation/custody matters.

Your wife is a swinger.

[dday101798]

Your wife is a swinger.

And she couldn't even swing me in the mix? Party pooper, hey, least I have my sense of humor.

Well, it's off to see if another night presents more of the same. At least I've been treating myself out to dinner the past few nights. Kind of a rotten way to lose money quickly, but hey, you only live once. It's been keeping my mind off this at least and is on the relatively cheap side. No sense in cooking dinner for a 'family' that isn't home.

I nearly broke the silence on a few different occasions today to ask her why exactly she is doing this now, but, better judgement took over and I didn't. I know my yougest didn't want to go last night so she's doing the damage all on her own.

Well, off to the races