New Me - Will WAW ever notice?

[Kakatal]

Nope its BOTH your responsibilities to find a solution. Here is a golden opportunity for you to show her the new you. She may be the one changing the agreement but they are your kids also and things come up all the time that change the best laid plans. Work with her on this not for her but for your kids.

She probably already has some ideas. Take some time and formulate your own and take the high road on this. If this was about anything other than the kids I would agree with you that she needs to figure it out on her own. Get your PMA up and suppress all other feelings and emotions and you both will find a solution.

I need to start reading this advice, heeding it & living it.

Come home from HOA annual meeting - I have served on board for 2 yrs & had to give up my seat - no rerun - since I do not know if I am going to be able to keep my house. D2 comes outside to greet me, I smile, pick her up & bring her in house. W looks exhausted, says hi - hi. Walk past her & go to say hi to S4 - no kisses dad - so he gets pat on head. Walk back into kitchen, empty pockets in usual place, walk to my bedroom to take off shoes & socks, back to kitchen to go through mail & put lunchbox away. W asks if I want to talk about anything - I say I don't have anything to talk about. W just glares at me. I ask w if there was something she wanted to talk about - No! W says obviously something bothering me & that we will talk in the morning. I say I am just upset because I had to give up doing something tonight that I enjoy doing...not that you would care about that. W storms over to S4 to give him kiss bye & says she will see him in morning. W phone rings & I can tell by ringtone it is OM. W silences phone.

I walk out into computer room to read my mail. W shouts from doorway she is leaving. Bye. W says bye to D2 & walks out into garage. I mutter something like "have to leave to answer call from your f$#king boyfriend" W hadn't closed door to garage & heard me. Says that she thought we agreed not to say stuff in front of kids. I say that I didn't realize you were still here. She opens garage door & scream "I didn't answer the phone!" I say you could have put it on silent. She gets in her car & drives off.

W calls back 10 min later asking me why I have to do that - Do what? Why do I have to get a dig in? I say that I was just expressing my feelings and that I am tired of having them put back in my face or feeling that I have to defend myself. W says that I could have just said what I said without the dig - how did I expect her to react when I said what I said? Told her she was right - bad behavior on my part & apologized. She said she wasn't feeling well & would talk to me in am. Bye.

I tried to call w 15 mins later but no answer. W calls back 20 mins later. Asked her if she wanted to talk since I knew she had something to talk about. W says that she doesn't know how receptive I am going to be to what she wanted to talk about. I tell w that I was sorry for what transpired earlier. Past behavior of mine was to express my hurt but then have to also hurt the person back for hurting me. W said thanks for apologizing.

W then said that she could get a 9-5 job, put kids in daycare but that most of the money she would make would be put towards those costs so didn't see any benefit to doing that. You agree with that? Uh huh.

W then says that a previous client had asked her if she would be willing to watch her 2 kids again full time since mother wanted to go back to work. W told mother that she had a job where she was on call so she might not be able to but wanted to get her schedule at work set to where she only worked nights.

W then says that she could watch our kids + these other 2 at the house. W says that she would give me some money towards my bills for allowing her to watch the kids at the house. She would make them bring their own food so they wouldn't eat any of mine. W wouldn't eat any of mine. I told w I never said I had any problem with her eating any of the food in the house. W then said that she felt it would benefit her, me & the kids if she could do this again. Uh huh.

I asked her if I could ask a few questions - sure. Why would you want to watch kids again? I need money - I am broke. I have no money K. I cannot live on a job making $40 a week. I cannot make a car payment. I didn't buy a new car just to have it get repossessed.

Ok. I understand. Another question - back in July you said how you felt trapped in the house doing daycare, how you wanted to be able to take kids places or to gymnastics like other moms did. If you do daycare again you do not get any sick days or vacation to be able to do those activities with the kids. W said all she can do now is take kids to park - cannot afford to do those other things. And if she doesn't start making money she will not have a car to even take them to the park.

Ask w only other question is one of liability. What am I risking if I allow you to run your business again out of the house? I do not want to put myself in jeopardy. W says I don't know. I don't have an answer for that. Forget it. I will just get a 9-5 job.

I say that I did not say yes or no, just that I need to get this question answered first. In past you had insurance that protected us from liability. I just want to see if that would still be viable given our current situation. W said she didn't know. I asked her if she could find out. She said ok.

I then say that I may have more questions if that was alright since I needed some time to think about this. She said fine, she was tired. She thanked me for listening & goodnight.

Hard to convey how distraught w is right now. Her voice was cracking when talking about how broke she is. Did my best to just listen, do some uh huhs & let her talk.

Advice on how to proceed???