Onward and Upward - Part 8!

[Maya44]

Hope work isn't stressing you out too much GG! Happy Tuesday!

[glamgirl]

Thanks FG. I are extremely busy at work right now and working right through my lunches and staying late on top of it. So a bit stressed right now.

H called today and asking for money to pay for a flight out of town. This is the part I am talking about. Gives me money and then asks for most of it back and he thinks I should be fine with this. He doesn't get it and then ?'s what I am doing with all the money he is giving us.

I just said I will try to help if I can. Sorry I am so busy lately to post and to follow up on others threads.

My project at work though is going good and my boss is impressed. That at least is a good thing! Big meeting tomorrow.

[happynow]

Glam,

Good luck with you meeting tomorrow!!!!

((((HUGS)))

[Maya44]

Good news about doing so well on the project! Congrats on impressing the boss!

[MidwesternGirl]

GG:

Hi!!

SO your H asked for the money to pay to go out of town. Is this a business trip? I think it would bother me, too, and I would be wondering how long he knew about this trip.......if he gave you money for the household, he has to realize that you need it or have used to pay for things you and the kids need.

That is a tough one to deal with.

How did your meeting go?

[Upside]

Hi glam-

I would just like some advice on how to handle the little things, since I do believe it's really NOT one big thing that happens but rather the little stuff that a person finally just says enough is enough and since I am in this for the long haul I would like to know how I could do better.

I agree that the little things can add up to put you over the edge. I wish I knew the answer to that problem as well. Some may not agree, but I do think that at some point in this process, we have to be able to start communicating some of our thoughts with our spouse. If we hope to have a restored marriage, we have to be able to communicate without the help of a C. Could you let your H know that you would appreciate it if he did somethings?...or didn't do somethings?

I asked my H if we could make a goal of daily communication. He didn't want to agree to it but so far has talking to me daily. I don't know if it will continue but even if it doesn't, I don't think any damage was done by asking.

Money issues are always tough and yours is even tougher since you have been supporting the family. If you do give your H the money he needs, would this will give you an opportunity to discuss future financial plans? I know easier said than done...especially if your H doesn't follow through.

(((HUGS)))

[glamgirl]

Ok so after I had trip convo with h I went online and found a cheap ticket for him and called him and asked if he would like me to book it for him.

I didn't really have the money to give him, but just did it anyway. It's money I have set asside for daycare that isn't due until the 1st. H said he would pay me back on Mon.

MWG it was a last minute trip. Unfortunatly his work just says we need you here tomorrow. It's typically like that and then he gets reimbursed for the expense.

Well h called very early today and said to me how much he really appreciated me helping him with the ticket. I will just chalk it up to I will help where I can without being taken advantage of. I do want to try to get ahead rather than skimming by.

H leaves on business trip tomorrow, so he won't be helping with the kids on Thur. I have s20 helping. We saw h on Mon and then nothing until maybe Fri. He will be out of town on business for sat too.

My meeting went well today. My boss really liked my contributions. At least that part of my life is working.

[MidwesternGirl]

GG:

Something that caught my attention is that you did not question h about the trip--you know how some people do--where are you going, anybody else going to be there, etc. This was an opportunity for him to see that you trust him and was able to help him.

I think you did a fine job!!

[dl443322]

GG. I think you did great too. You were able to help him, so you did, no questions asked. If next time you cant, tell him you cant. One step at a time.

[glamgirl]

Thanks. H called very early today 5am while he was at the airport. We talked only for a few min. He sounded exhausted and he is coming down with sickness.

He said call him after I work out. So I called him back and he still seemed like he was in a fog. He is not a morning person. I just said sounds like you need to rest. Give me a call later. Now this was a 180 for me. I do enjoy convo's with h, but I did notice he sounded exhausted, so just let him rest.

He called when he touched down. He was in much better spirits after he rested on the plane. We talked for awhile and then we reminisced about h's past travels. H used to travel internationally for business. He took me on some very nice business trips in the past.

Now I know he doesn't care to travel, but it's part of the job he has. Sounds like a very important day for h, he is being introduced to the senator for one of the states. I have always admired my h in the business setting. He always seems to know what to do and say when I would be like I don't have a clue.

Yes I just decided to help h if I could. Not extra money laying around but I had some set aside that I don't need to pull from until the 1st. I know my h is trying. I just can't wait until we are beyond the money stages and h won't be asking me for anymore help.

This is a difficult situation for me. When I met h he was so responsible with money, had a really good paying job always paid everything, mortgage, utilities, always had money to give me whenever I asked or didn't ask. Then life changed after h quit his job and worked on his own business and then I was the one that worked and paid for everything. Not what I wanted for life, but this is where we are now.

Also it's hard since my inner self thinks that a man should be the one that provides for his family, not the woman. This was one of the reasons I m h. I thought that he understood this concept and I pegged him to be an excellent provider bfore I m him.

This is why I struggle so much in this area. I feel that I was jipped. I don't mind providing my fair share, it's just that I expect my h to carry at least half of the family financial burdens.

Am I wrong to look at life that way? Any thoughts?