Racing toward my Path with Heart

[SuperDad]

Well, after some months, I actually locked a thread! Here is the Last Thread.

To update:
- W and I both have L's and are poised to enter mediation.
- W continues A with married OM, no remorse and still spouts garbage about M being impossible and something that society tries to unnaturally impose upon us.
- We are all still living in the same house with W in the guest room.
- I am moving on (and up)
-Still need to have "the talk" with the boys.

Recent events have bouyed my spirits:

I completed my tri last weekend. Had a pretty good race and a wonderful time. The bike and run finishes were absolutely crowded with spectators and since I was one of the first finishers, they were absolutely going nuts, ringing cow bells, cheering, screaming...I felt like I was in the Tour de France coming in on the bike. Can't wait to see the pictures, I'm sure I was grinning from ear to ear!

Also on the positive side is that I overheard W on the phone getting her paperwork in order to get a job. This is so important for the boys to have both of us in a good financial place and I think will eventually help her to move on.

Maybe the best is that fall has arrived in FL and it is freaking beautiful here...and it will stay this way until May...oh yeah!

[chicki]

Where in Fl are you @?
I'm @ the northern part and the other week the news said it was colder here than @ NY city at the time!
Jeesh! In that case I say it better snow then! We hit down to the low 30's.

[SteveInTN]

SD!! How's it going brother?? Still need to read up on your "last thread" to catch up but the summation you provided pretty much says enough. Have heart though, there is a downhill side where the going gets easier.

Just wanted to say hey before I continue reading...

Steve

[FLTC]

SD,

Good to see STBX is getting a job. Mediation will KILL you if she isn't working. You'll end up paying all of the freight.

What the hell happened to the woman you married? When did she begin to thing that marriage was just a sugestion for fidelity? She really sounds like she's sick. Sorry, but seriously. Frank_D who has been on these boards longer than me has the same situation as you, but he has continued to try to make it work. I think there comes a point where you have to stop being a doormat.

I'm sure you have, but have you ever told her this is just plain unaccepatble. Why is she angry that you want a divorce? I've never sen a cleraer case of when someone had to get out like you.

[SuperDad]

Hi Chicki, Steve and FLTC!

Chicki- I am in the Orlando area. It was downright summer-like today! Just got back from watching the shuttle launch with the kids...totally awesome!

Steve - Good to hear from you. How are things working out for you? I'll look for a thread...

FLTC - Yeah, my sitch isn't all that different than Frank's except that my W really doesn't even understand that she is screwed up! Fortunately, I am OK financially, so I am just looking at the cost of divorce as an investment in my future!

I think there comes a point where you have to stop being a doormat.

Amen brotha!

have you ever told her this is just plain unaccepatble.

I simply told her that she had to chose between marriage and divorce...that means give up the A and go to counciling or file for D. She wouldn't do either, so after 1.5 years of this cr@p, I finally filed.

Why is she angry that you want a divorce?

Her sense of entitlement is amazing, but she basically thinks that she deserves this life that I provide for her and the kids despite the fact that she does not love me and is sleeping with another man.

At a deeper level, I think it is because her actions are going to impact her children and she does not want to have to live with this guilt.

Not sure if that helps anybody out there, but that's the best that I can figure out.

Thanks for checking in on me...SD

[PhD_ChrisD]

Hey SD,

Good to hear that you are hanging in there. I am glad your race went well. Sounds like fun stuff!

You know, I always figured that your W would eventually take the bus back from crazy town and pull her head out. You were so very patient with the whole sitch (an example for us all). However, after a year and a half, I think you did the right thing. She was really taking advantage of the situation and of you with no intention of showing any responsibility or remorse.

Good luck with the nediation and the D. These will be trying times, but keep your chin up.

Best,
--Chris

[SuperDad]

Hi Chris,
I am slowly getting my act together on the D. Went to IC today and got some advice on how to break the news to the kids and how to try to deal with W on the subject.

At one point today, the C looked at me and said, "She sounds borderline sociopathic!" This was in regard to her continuing belief that I should just keep living like this while she has a long term R with another man. I had to laugh...it's that or cry.

Anyway, I hadn't seen the C in nearly a year and it was an interesting way to take stock and get some perspective in how far I've come.

Still need to get to the financial planner to check on details of the settlement and how they may impact me down the road.

Etc., etc., etc.

As far as racing goes, I think I actually enjoy the workouts with the tri-club more than the events themselves. I have made a lot of great friends and the daily endorphin rush sure don't hurt the PMA. That and the lingering glances from the ladies.

I actually have a 1/2 marathon at the end of the month and then a short pause in training before the prep for next year starts. Goals will be to qualify for the national age group championships in the Spring race...shouldn't be a problem, and then to try to be competitive by the Fall. Gotta work on my running, a lot!

I think that is the best thing that I have taken from DBing...to always have some goals, to monitor progress in baby steps, and to adjust the plan when you don't see results. Something I always knew, but just never applied to all aspects of my life!

Carpe Diem, SD.

[Reincarnated]

Glad to hear you sounding so together (as usual). Can you believe how long we have been at this mess? I know that you will have a great life; like you said, its all karma. Here or in the next.
The race sounded GREAT!! I know how much you were looking forward to that! What a healthy thing to do for yourself, and a great example to your kids. I hope you get them involved in your workouts when you can.

Take care...and enjoy the warm weather. We got flurries here tonight!

[SuperDad]

Thanks Donna,
Most of the time, I do feel strong, but I definitely still get really down when I think of what could have been and how much unnecessary pain this is putting the kids through. I'm sure that it will only get worse before it gets better. But better it will get!

Otherwise, just preparing myself mentally to get to spend time with W, kids, and another family for thanksgiving. She is doing the all out push to spend as much time together as a family as possible...surely to make it hard on me to push for the big D and also to make her case as "Mom of the Year" in a D trial, should it come to that.

Sure hope it doesn't, but I can't control her, so there is little point in trying.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving, ya'll.

SD

[FLTC]

SD,

Boy, do I know about the endorphin rush. I am setting new PRs at 53! I'm using more weight on leg presses than I was at 25! My fear is that because I am pushing so hard, I'll get injured, and you MUST know what that does to your psyche!

Thanksgiving sounds like a "tension convention"! Ughhhh! You've got two little boys. My heart aches for them, but listen: YOUR WIFE IS NUTS! Totally delusional; a rich fantasy life; another dimension. I feel so much better that I don't have the burden of having a relationship while still being married, like my STBX is having. The view from the "Moral High Ground" is clear, unobstructive 360 degrees. It's a good thing to hold on to.

Have a high carb Thanksgiving!