My best guess is I have about 3 weeks before my W will have her D. It will have taken about 2 weeks longer than the 60 days she wanted, but based on her current disposition, it will have been worth the wait.
Days before the court date, I have pretty much decided to ask her to dinner and will tell her the truth about how I feel. I cannot allow this R of 17 years to be undone while I sit here in DB limbo, coolly detached and acting "as-if". I will not be needy, I will not be clingy, but I will be honest.
What do I have to lose?
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
Superstar That's a great line.... You are right. You have nothing to lose at this point. A new and better chapter will begin. Keep up with the PMA... Best of luck for you.
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
Superstar you never know, stranger things have happened.
Love the Dr. Seuss line too.
M:39 H:39 K:S14;D8 T:22yr M:15yrs S:12/28/07 EA/PA 3/14/08 OW preg 11/17/08 born 12/12/08 his ~~~~~~~ Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option
Yes Puppy, it was her who filed for D. I'm glad to have you reading my thread, if you could add anything I would be eternally grateful. Your posts and methods have been my guide.
17 years of married happiness. If she has issues, they are never brought up to me. Everything she has ever asked me for, she has received eventually. Sex is great, no money issues ever.
11/07-8/08 Wife loses 50 pounds and starts paying better attention to her dress and appearance. I am supportive and complimentary. Starts going out with "her girlfriends" (divorces and other toxic sorts) more often. Stays out very late on occasion.
8/24 - After closing down a bar with her "girlfriends" the night before and rolling in at 3:30AM, she rolls over in bed the next AM and says "I want a divorce, it can be done in 62 days and that is what I want". Swears there is no one else. Reason given? "I'm not happy". WTF???
8/26 - Real estate agent shows up to list house. She had made appointment before bomb.
8/24-9/20 - I do all the wrong things. Beg, plead, whatever. Her father forces her to attend MC. Waste of 4 sessions and $1K as I will find out later. She is so unwilling to even discuss R, MC gives up after 4th session and provides her with D lawyer references. MC later tells me in IC session, "Look, I feel strongly she will D you no matter what. 60 days is not close to the amount of time it will take to get to her. I provided her with references for "collaborative" lawyers. If I can't stop the D, I can at least make it easier on you." I was pissed then, but I see her (MC) logic now. So far, D process has been amicable.
9/20 - Based on her odd actions of late (hiding cell, carrying cell, deleting call logs), I hire a PI. He busts her with a guy from her work in an EA (at least) the very first night he follows her. Phone records indicate EA began ~ May. I confront her with my findings and she continues to lie. She comes clean about EA after presented with proof. I get the "I'm not in love with you, I was never in love with you" speech. I tell her I can not live in the same house as a lying, cheating adulterer and ask her to leave. I call her Dad and tell him that I am sending his adulterous D back home to him as I cannot have her in my home. "I understand, Thank you for calling" was his response.
W and I give D speech to S7. I cry, he cries, she doesn't miss a beat. Not a sign of any emotion then or since. She leaves house 2.5 hours after OM bomb, never to return since. She has lived with her parents since, in a huge house, with her M and D waiting on her hand and foot. Some consequences, huh?
9/25 - Served with D papers. Learn later that she had actually started the process 8/21.
9/25 - Now - I exposed her. To everyone. Our "normal" M friends are disgusted and have lined up behind me.
- She tried to reach out to my GMa and other female members of my family. She was rebuked. She cannot understand why everyone can't just be friends.
- I tried the whole "be her friend" thing for a couple of weeks. I cooked her dinners, I did her favors, I was nice in the face of her continued adultery. She was happy to cake-eat but it almost killed me in the process. I went super-dark about 3 weeks ago.
- She has pushed D to the point of racking up > $5K in L bills in < 45 days. She calls her L DAILY with "What is taking so long?".
- She has made many $$ concessions in order to make the process move along faster. She is willing to walk from our ~$500K estate with nothing more than 30K...as long as it happens ASAP.
- I am LRT for my own sanity. When she calls, it is only about D or $$. I don't ever answer the phone these days, but let it roll to VM and TXT her my responses (eventually) to her questions instead. I never initiate any communication. She seems happy to oblige.
- She continues to see OM and toxic friends while based at her parents. She lies to parents constantly about her whereabouts.
- When I see her in person, I am "civil". I say hello, I speak when spoken to, but otherwise she is a black-hole in the room to me.
-My R with her dad continues to be good. Her mom is conflicted I think. Both her parents are embarrassed, they can barely look at me.
So, that is my sitch in a nutshell. I'd like to think it is somehow special, but the more I read the more I know it isn't.
Thanks in advance for your insight.
H: 38 W: 36 S: 8 S: 5 M: 16 Bomb: 8/25/08 OM: 9/21/08 EA (Possible PA) with co-worker since 5/08 (at least...) Sep: 9/21/08 D Filed 9/23/08 My Situation
