Six months later--the truth is out there

[hoosiermama]

Seems I struck a nerve!! Yes, BeingMe, one lesson I have learned from this is NEVER be financially dependent upon someone else, no matter what, ever. This is the only time in my entire working life when I have been, because I thought we were in this together. When H was in grad school for 2 years, then in a year-long residency I was the primary bread-winner. And I was pregnant twice during that time. From the time D was ~6 months old until mid-kindergarten I worked some version of a part-time schedule, for the first time in my life. Yep, even when I was pregnant and 39 1/2 years old, I worked 12-hour nights until the day before I delivered. Midway through kindergarten, I got my ministry position in the same church where D went to school; it was full time, but the benefits and salary were--well, it was ministry, there you have it. So for the past eleven years, I haven't had much going into my retirement--but he has. Fortunately I worked for a long long time before I married him, so there's something there. Just not as much as there would be if I had put my focus on career rather than family.

Also--yes, I will get some child support, the amount is being negotiated. In his initial proposal, he wanted 50-50 custody and to pay no support, and my split of the joint expenses would leave me something under $200 a month to feed myself and D, buy gas, buy medication, and all other expenses. He wants me to live in poverty and be a part-time mother, apparently. Currently, he is paying the joint consumer credit debt, D's tuition, and we each cover our own expenses and I cover D's--and I'm not making it at all. Fortunately I am earning a pension/retirement again.

Okay, this line of discussion is making me very angry. H makes easily twice my salary. He is 7 years younger than I, so will earn pension on his large salary longer than I will on my smaller one. I'm a nurse--with a lot of experience--but I can't work clinical hours (evenings, nights) because I'm a single mom. He's the one who left, without warning. At least he doesn't want the house, and is willing to just let me have it and work out some way to get his name off the mortgage (hopefully I can do that without refinancing, because my credit is shot).

Okay, vent over. Just wish I'd known before what I know now. I'd have planned differently.