Okay, now that I've wandered back to these boards I might as well post up the latest two-prong dilemma and get some advice on how to "Survive the Big D"!
First issue: X's parents are coming into town for Thanksgiving and it is my time with the kids Fri-Mon. She asked if she could have the kids that weekend and I said sure. She said she didn't want to do a weekend swap because it caused trouble the last time we did that. She mentioned swapping for a weekend night before or after and I just didn't say much of anything. Last night she called wanting THIS Saturday night and I told her I couldn't because I had already made plans to be out of state hunting. She started to talk about the weekend after Thanksgiving but got po'd and hung up on me, obviously she wanted this Saturday night. This morning she sends me a text and says that she just wants to do a complete weekend swap and that I needed to take them the entire weekend following Thanksgiving. I replied back that I wasn't interested in doing swap, I would give her the Sat following, or that we could be creative while her parents are here with them so that they saw them enough but that she (X) also had her free time. She exploded... said I didn't want to spend time with my kids, didn't want to be flexible, and said that she was going to tell the kids I didn't want my normal time with them. After an hour or so, she called back and said that the following Sat night would be fine. I thought I was nice but still stood up for myself in terms of not letting her screw my schedule up, which is VERY well defined through the end of the year. Remainder of 2nd conversation was a lead-in to my 2nd issue…
Second Issue: Over the last couple of weeks the X has been very upfront with me and others about the fact that she has found someone she likes. I’ve been noticing the kids, especially the oldest, wondering about it. So in the latter 30 minutes of our 2nd conversation she started out by giving me the advice that I shouldn’t lie to the kids about whether I am going out with women, and that I need to be careful about bringing other people around them. During the conversation it came out that she has been feeling the kids out about possibly meeting her new boyfriend, which according to her is her 1st time actually dating someone. Evidently she got quite a bit of pushback from my oldest daughter and someone (either her Mom or my OD) brought me into the conversation about dating. My OD told her Mom that she KNOWS I haven’t gone out with any women. I told my X that I was my daughter dealing with things the way she wants to and holding a belief that she wanted to. I told her that I have worked very hard over the last year to keep a divider between my new life as a single guy and that of my life as the father of my kids. I told her that she has done just the opposite, and that now she having to pay the price.
I sure tried to tackle both of these issues in a calm manner. I didn’t yell, didn’t respond back when she glossed over the whole year long affair that was the final nail in the coffin. I just tried to talk rationally. She just absolutely does not want to hear that anything other than her own feelings are relevant. I didn’t tell her this, but this is what she was saying. I know her pretty well still, and it is obvious to me that she is very anxious to bring her new BF around the kids. She is happy with the relationship and wants her kids to share in the happiness.
Does it sound like I handled this okay? Advice on how to handle it better?
