If it is you are probably right. One thing I learned was that the stages sort of overlap each other and that can be confusing. When H was definate in replay, there were a lot of good times for us just like you guys. The next stage, depression, which is where I am pretty certain we are now, really can be the pits.
You can do it though. Have a great day!
Horoscopes for everyone pretty calm this week. A calm and healing effect after the last couple of weeks. Hopefully that will ring true for some of us.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
MT, I noticed what you wrote about your H saying that he didn't want to be responsible, didn't want material things....my H said the very same words. In fact, when I confronted the OW she told me that he had been talking to her about those very issues. That still hurts.
But, I think it really comes from them not being happy with themselves, for not having achieved what they thought they would by this time in their life. So they just don't want it!
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Yeah, that was made me really thing it was MLC, he told me he would sit on our name sign (rock out front by the mailbox with our last name on it) and look back at everything and wonder why he didn't want it all. Why would he want to leave? It leads back to him telling me that he kept hoping for a tornado to take the house and everything away and we could start over. He is not happy at the job he is at, and I know he regrets when he left the union the first time, but the job he was at he was having to lie about what and where he was and what he was doing, because there wasn't any service work. H couldn't do that any longer, so he took the lay off, then went out on a few other union jobs, but none were very good. So he drew his unemployment until it ran out then was farming for his BIL for cash. Finally I found him this job which it paid OK, but he worked all the time to make what he was making with the union. We had a conversation about a month before the bomb, that H doesn't even remember now. H said he thought we would be further along than we are now, we would have been in a better place (for lack of a better word). When I look back now that should have been a huge red flag for me, but I didn't know then I should have been looking for any flags! H doesn't remember that conversation at all.
This is a weird little addition here and I have no idea if it relates to any of this, but last year when my hair was short I started wearing hair pieces, pony tails, falls that kind of thing. I will have to post a pic to on the alt univ, they were very cute, no one ever knew they weren't my real hair. I loved them! H thought they were cute too. Well the night before the bomb I was watching HSN and they had some really cute ones on, H came up from the basement, and I pointed them out to him on the TV. Well during the argument the night of the bomb H told me he could still see my scared face that day and the ponytail hair piece and the headband I had in too. I began to wonder if me showing him more hair things didn't trigger something, since the hair played such a big role in how he felt because he mentioned it. H told me they look good, but it bothers him now I think. I haven't worn any since the night he said that, which my hair is long enough now I don't really need them. But it is weird that my hair played such a large roll in how he remembered me.
I wish that I had read your H's story before. In a lot of ways it is very similar to my H's. The whole job thing is huge. Not being able to earn the kind of money a man thinks he should is a major self esteem chop. Especially when a man is approaching mid life.
Don't kick yourself about the red flag. Hindsight is always 20/20. Also, my H never forgot stuff before, but now we also have whole convos that he doesn't remember. It truly is a fog.
The hair thing is strange, but I think it more truly speaks to your weight loss at the time and his own feelings of not being "good enough." Frequently the OW is truly nothing special when compared to the wife, but that's the whole point. She is just so damn tickled to have the man's attention that it really builds his ego.
Usually it isn't something that the man wants for ever, just for right now.
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
Hope, I think the job thing was a big part just because he always liked to work. He would have rather been at work than at home with nothing to do. (not that he ever didn't have anything to do) But he enjoyed going to work that much. He always enjoyed the people he worked with until he had to take the lay off from the service job and then went back to the construction part of the union instead of the service he was doing. I think he felt like he made a mistake when he took the lay off, but I couldn't blame him for not wanting to lie all the time about where he was putting his time. To me that and the death of his Mom and Brother, with in a years time really effected him.
My H used to joked he was always right on remembering stuff and he used to be pretty much right all the time, never failed I told him to turn the wrong way or something. Now, just in the past week there have been two things I was right on and he was wrong, the amount and type of insurance he had with Met Life and that I had put the Thursday game on the football sheet.
Hey gals, yup they seem to forget everything, even things you would never think they would forget. It has to be the fog. That is all i can come up with. I got nailed for wearing nail polish after not wearing it for so long. Insecurity, fear, confusion. It is all there. Oh yes my H too wanted (maybe still does who knows) to go back to the days of not having to worry about the bills, etc...
I hate this.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
I am laughing right now. I don't know if OW knows where I work or not, it is in a different town, but the schools send their kids here for field trips to our facility. Anyway, we had a huge meeting yesterday in my hometown, there was 1750 teachers and administrators there. Some schools added in the inservice day just so everyone could listen to the presenter, so we had lots of staff there to work it. One of my friends said she stopped by OW's work to get a drink on her way home and to see what she looked like, and she described her to me, and I said does she have lots of freckles and my friend said yes. My friend Tiff had told me that she had lots of freckles. Anyway, I guess she wouldn't look up or smile or anything at her when she was paying for her drink. Well all the staff from here had shirts made that said the name of our facility in sparkely letters. So if she did know where I worked she might not have wanted to look at her after she saw her shirt. Otherwise OW isn't very friendly to her customers. She didn't smile or look up or anything. My friend said you know I would think twice about going in there to shop because she was so unfriendly. Just made me laugh and wonder.....HMMMM!
Just talked to H, he is headed to our friend Roy's the one who was in the hospital a month or so ago. His garage burned that H and he built about 30 years ago. It had all of his Roy's dad's tools in it and the washer and dryer. The house he lives in is not nice or anything floors falling in and stuff, the garage wasn't much better if any. SIL that told about H and OW to my coworker is Roy's sister she called H to tell him Roy is upset. So H is headed out there to see him. I told him if he needed me to call me. I would really like to see SIL, but I guess at this time I wouldn't want to say anything since I am sure she will act upset too, since all of her Dad's tools were in there. Don't figure they have any insurance. The Dad died about 7 years ago. At some point in time I will confront her, her I don't mind getting pissed at.
But the good news in all that....H got his union stuff turned in. Didn't say anything about me being the beneficiary. So that is a good sign I guess. I would have told him, I would have wanted to be the beneficiary anyway otherwise if D is the beneficiary all the money would go to his Ex-wife. Which he knows that, just like D's extra Financial Aid going to her. I would at least be able to distribute in smaller amounts to D.
That did make me feel better that he called to tell me where he was going to be, and that the union stuff was filled out fine. I told him Sorry about the garage, and that you don't need anything else to deal with right now.
