Yeah, that was made me really thing it was MLC, he told me he would sit on our name sign (rock out front by the mailbox with our last name on it) and look back at everything and wonder why he didn't want it all. Why would he want to leave? It leads back to him telling me that he kept hoping for a tornado to take the house and everything away and we could start over. He is not happy at the job he is at, and I know he regrets when he left the union the first time, but the job he was at he was having to lie about what and where he was and what he was doing, because there wasn't any service work. H couldn't do that any longer, so he took the lay off, then went out on a few other union jobs, but none were very good. So he drew his unemployment until it ran out then was farming for his BIL for cash. Finally I found him this job which it paid OK, but he worked all the time to make what he was making with the union. We had a conversation about a month before the bomb, that H doesn't even remember now. H said he thought we would be further along than we are now, we would have been in a better place (for lack of a better word). When I look back now that should have been a huge red flag for me, but I didn't know then I should have been looking for any flags! H doesn't remember that conversation at all.
This is a weird little addition here and I have no idea if it relates to any of this, but last year when my hair was short I started wearing hair pieces, pony tails, falls that kind of thing. I will have to post a pic to on the alt univ, they were very cute, no one ever knew they weren't my real hair. I loved them! H thought they were cute too. Well the night before the bomb I was watching HSN and they had some really cute ones on, H came up from the basement, and I pointed them out to him on the TV. Well during the argument the night of the bomb H told me he could still see my scared face that day and the ponytail hair piece and the headband I had in too. I began to wonder if me showing him more hair things didn't trigger something, since the hair played such a big role in how he felt because he mentioned it. H told me they look good, but it bothers him now I think. I haven't worn any since the night he said that, which my hair is long enough now I don't really need them. But it is weird that my hair played such a large roll in how he remembered me.
