The results are in...Dust myself off & start again

[Treese]

MWG...omg....that is funny....I've thought about putting something clever on the boxes....he would be ticked off....LOL!!

I was talking with son Sunday night...he had spent the night with his dad and he was telling me all the stuff they did....ice cream, smoothies, game works, all the fun stuff...I let him talk but my insides were in a knot....those would be things we would all do together and now I'm not included...but I smiled at son, not to let him think it bothered me...I asked son if he has ever showered at dad's....he said, "no"...WTF? are you kidding me...it's like a sleepover...its fun, then he drops him off when he finished with him....that's not a father....that's a playpal...geez....I am left with the tired, irritated son...Huuhhhhh....

H was in the house for a very short time when he dropped son off...I didnt really care to see him really....guess maybe I'm detaching a bit...heck I don't even know anymore what I'm doing...it's just at a standstill until he goes to court so we can pay for this child...who, yes, deserves it, who didn't have a father for 9 years, had a lying, cheat for a mother...but my life will change so much....grrrr......

I don't even want holidays, don't want to cook, clean, shop, nothing....I have no energy to do anything...I've been having terrible headaches....have had headaches all my life but lately they are horrible....guess the stress is getting to me...

Yes, I still cry....I'm still mourning....it was 30 years...will I survive? I suppose so but not the way I had planned....that roller coaster ride seems to be stuck at the top...I don't know what he is planning...whether he is going to use this lawyer he got for our D too or what....guess I'm waiting to be served and he'll never tell me he did it...he'll just wait for me to call and say something...but I won't I will ignore it all....

H still thinks things will be okay, "as long as the kids know we both love them, they will be fine".....this fairytale life he is living well...sometimes I wish I had part of it....mine seems so stressful and full of crap...the truth is, he has no idea how the kids are....no idea how they are doing in school, never asks, and i don't offer...I went to a friends last night to watch the beginning of the Browns game, told son I would come home at halftime, and could he get himself ready for bed and get there himself...D16 was with him....he was fine with it and I didn't leave until 8:00...well....I was driving home at 10:15...son called...he asked where I was and if I was on my way home......my son is afraid I'm not going to come home, since his dad left.....this angers me....I have told my son I am coming home, that I love him, I will never leave him....it doesn't matter he's only 11...he misses his dad....

But dad has a new life, that pretty much doesn't include us...new OW, her children, another son, etc....

so, everyone.....will I be Okay....ever? truth is I'm so scared!!!

had to vent a little thanks for listening..