If he would actually talk about things, then it might be easier. For example, my ideal scenario would be that I stay there 2-3 nights mid-week, and on one of those days we go to MC. That way after the housesitting, assuming I just move back in, we'll have been able to talk about things in advance. This is all still confusing though. He has never answered me about MC. I think if I pushed, he would do it, but I want him to want it too...
You are repeating past negative behaviour here. This very much reminds me of when you first came here and were a bit controlling and were wanting to control the situation and have things on your terms because that made things easier for you (I *totally* understand that need) but it doesn't work. That was what was going wrong in your sitch before and it was what I used to do before the second bomb. You need to let go, stop trying to plan and go with the flow. And why would talking about it work? You said yourself the last r talk you had was horrible. Show it in your actions. Don't push anything; you are not in a position to yet imo.
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I made a really elaborate dinner that took me a few hours to prepare. I love cooking, so this was fun for me.
H did his homework, and played video games. This felt really comfortable and normal. Afterwards, we watched a movie together, and sat
You know what works, he feels more affectionate towards you when you go away and come back again. Don't be scared to do this, you are giving him space which is what he has asked for all along.
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We've made more progress in the last week together than in the last 4 months (or so it seems).
After you being away at your friends for a short period of time...
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He's here now and H and I have been emailing back and forth about the boiler, which somehow is really comforting to me
Remember this is comforting for *you*. Is this comforting to your h? What is his LL? What can you top up for him that he won't even realise you are doing?
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Every day I had been preparing myself for the worst, because I have been through the emotional wringer as we all have...I think I am very slowly starting to expect normalcy when I am with H, and this is helping me in every aspect of my life. Of course it does mean that if there is a major backslide, I will be more hurt, but I truly think 2 weeks of sustained positive behavior means that we have finally moved forward, even if it's not totally where I want to be yet.
Don't expect, in all honesty he may well panic again and throw something at you. You are still early on in the process. Yes, be prepared for this and yes, it will hurt if it happens but remember to act AS IF. This would be a great tool here.
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actually don't have to go and housesit, but I do need to tell my friend ASAP if I need someone else to feed the cat. Of course I can always take a cab there on my lunches if it comes down to it and feed the cat while not actually staying there.
I know you don't want to but I really would. Even if it is just keeping the cat company for a few days. Don’t devote all your time to him, it didn't work before and made you more vulnerable. Nothing is going to get worse if you go and time is your friend! (yep, remind me of that later please ) Opt is right, slowly is good, slowly is what you really want although I know your head and heart are screaming out to fix it.
Oh ok, I see you have decided not to house sit... I'm going to leave it in there as I still think you should but it is your decision and you are in the situation and know it best He showed interest in the cat, instead of feeding it at lunch why not go round after work and feed it and stay a few hours. This will give him time to study/ play computer games whatever he does and then be ready for you when you come back.
) Opt is right, slowly is good, slowly is what you really want although I know your head and heart are screaming out to fix it. 
