For the Guy with Kids and a WW Neunzehn(19)

[kat727]

Uuuhhh why are YOU getting everything? If she is having this at her place, you could maybe bring a dish or two but why oh why are you rescuing her? With you getting everything it should be at your house at the very least.

Sorry just frustrated but really quit saving her. She won't learn anything if she doesn't crash!

kat

[hopeful4her]

Dinner WILL be at my house, kat. It will be curious how we do things this year. Will she just spend the night Thursday? Will she just come very early in the morning?




I didn't hear anything from her until I was already picking up Juli at the daycare. She asked where I was and I told her I was at the daycare already. She said that she just finished her test, it was about a couple minutes after 6pm. I asked how she thought it went and she says that she won't know until tomorrow. She said some more things, but her dumb phone was doing its usual stupid thing of echoing everything and I wasn't going to make her keep repeating. At the end she says she'll see me at home. Then she corrects herself and says the apartment.

She gets to the apartment about 15 or 20 minutes after Juli and I do. First thing Juli wanted to do was frost the cake they made yesterday. I'm trying to get the girls going so that we can get home and I can cook dinner since I didn't hear anything from the wife. She is saying hello to the kids and after a while, she asks if they want to eat something. I told her that I didn't plan on staying since I hadn't heard from her, and I would make dinner at home. She says that she didn't know she would get out after 5:30 and she couldn't have her phone with her. I ask her if she wants, I can go get a chicken and she says that she can cook hot dogs. I ask Amanda and she says, "I thought we were going to eat at home?"

The wife starts to look in the fridge and starts to pull out leftovers and says, "We can have leftovers and other stuff."
I go ahead and take off my jacket and decided to stay, like "I guess".

Isn't that what I was trying to accomplish anyway?

She starts to warm up all kinds of different stuff because the kids all want something different. We are both in the kitchen and while I'm kinda talking to Amanda, the wife, facing her laundry room, takes off her bra and tosses it in the dirty clothes she has in there. The laundry room is at the end of the kitchen. It was that way that girls can take off a bra with out removing the blouse, like in a car or something. I didn't see anything, but memories flooded my mind and of course it got my blood moving.

BTW, she looked really nice today. I nice fitting ankle length skirt, pointy black boots that zip up past the ankle, and a top that I have always liked to see her in. The skirt and clingy black top both show off her "assets".

Boy.....

I start to ask about her test. She talks about not getting a lunch until 2pm. Her test was at 3, so she just came to the apartment just after 2, got nervous and, mixed with the 6 travel mugs of coffee she had through out the morning, got sick at the apartment. Sick, meaning she was sitting on the toilet for a while. We laugh at the thought. She says how she was late for the test and was the last one to stay. We talk some more about work and stuff and ask again how she thought she did and what she needed to score. She says she spoke to the trainer and that she tells him that she is testing about a month early, she just buried her dad and so on. She is starting to well with tears and says that the trainer told her about his dad dying last year and knows how she feels.

She gets choked up and I talk about something else. She tells me how she is seeing a doctor next week sometime. She might get sleeping pills to help her sleep. We pause for a bit and I ask her,
"How HAVE you been?"

She starts to tell me that she is not able to sleep. She wakes up all night. She starts to cry again, tears now falling. I move to her side of the kitchen. She starts to talk about her dad. I listen to her tell me how hard it was to be there with him. She tells me how she was there with her grandmother when she took her last breath, but that grandma was ok with dying. She had accepted it. Her dad did not want to die. I rub her shoulder blade and I tell her that he was fighting it. She is crying more and I move toward her and pull her to me and I put my arms around her. She just puts her head on my chest and starts to cry and tells me how she regrets ever pushing him away and that she was not a good daughter. I'm rubbing her back and stroking her hair. She can't even go through the picture albums she is trying to put together with out crying, she says. We stand there for a few minutes and then she slightly pulls away and I give her a napkin. She starts to open the microwave and I tell her, "Go sit down, I'll do it". She goes to the bathroom and gathers herself.

I get dinner served for the kids and she comes back out a little better. She makes some cheese dip and salsa and I go to my car and grab some chips that I bought earlier. She clears and sets the table for us to sit together. While she was making her dip, I can hear her phone get a text message. Her phone is in her purse and in the living room.

I wonder who would be texting her?

We keep serving and warming food and she gets another about 10 minutes later. 5 minutes later, my phone rings and Amanda is trying to find it in my jacket pocket. I get to it first and hit ignore. It's B. She leaves a VM. Amanda says, "Who are all these people calling?"

The wife says, "People just wanting to bug us". She walk past me and goes to look at her phone. She looks and just hits a button and puts it back. Walking back to the kitchen, I know she glanced at me, but she didn't see me looking at her. We sit to eat and she tells me to turn on the light next to where I'm sitting, for the dining room light. The kids are in front of the tv. I didn't hear her and she turned off the kitchen light, which left me in the dark. She laughs, walks over next to me, leans in and points to the switch and says, "I told you to turn on that light."

Boob action way too close to my face. RUFFFF!!

We sit and eat and talk some more about really nothing much. Just stuff. Her apartment phone rings. Now this one she HAS to take or else he'll leave a message that I'll hear.

I hear her as she speaks softly and walks toward the living room and her room,
"Hello.....I'm....having dinner with my kids.....yeah....."

The rest was so quiet, I didn't even realize she had hung up yet. She stood in the doorway to her room, but didn't actually walk in. She came back and tried to talk about something in a really upbeat tone. I sit and slowly engage in conversation with her again. We finish eating and from the table, we play with the dog Moe and then with Amanda, who is now on the floor with the dog.

After about 30 minutes passes, I start to help her clean up stuff and she goes to pack somethings for Juli. She packs some cake for us and the bag of chips I brought and tells me to grab some of the tortillas I had brough over on Saturday. I pack some for myself and we get a move on. She says her goodbyes to the girls. In the meantime, I had emptied her trash and taken it to the outside, grabbed all the rest of the stuff. At the door, I look at her and she tells me to have a good night. I tell her the same, and stall by telling her that she probably got a 100 on her test. She says,
"Uhhh,no. I don't think so."
"Well, I'm sure you did well."

I give a wave and she gives a wave and a smile and I walk off. Girls fall asleep on the way home because it was getting late. I get them to bed, put away the groceries I bought today and settle in for my posting here.

Midway through this post, I decided to send her a text at about 9:35,

"Just thought I'd be one of your "buggers" too and tell you goodnight. Have sweet dreams tonight and try to sleep well."

The hold this woman has on me.....

[Sugar and Spice]

The hold this woman has on me.....

I know only too well how you feel. :sad:

[InLikeFlynn]

I almost wish you could leave one of the kids at the apartment....if you know what I mean!!!

[hopeful4her]

I almost wish you could leave one of the kids at the apartment....if you know what I mean!!!

I don't know what you mean.

[InLikeFlynn]

The phone calls from you know who!!! I was thinking he might come over if the girls are gone and was calling to see if the coast was clear. I hope I am wrong but that was what was going thru my mind when you said her phone was ringing etc. If one of the girls were there home with her...he wouldn't come over.

[hopeful4her]

Ohhh.

I know I don't post a lot about my step son, but he is there and I don't think OM would come around.

Possible, but I don't think so.

I would think that she would have texted him a short message, once she saw HIS messages, but she didn't. She just looked and put the phone back.

After she DID take his call, Amanda was giving her the eye. The wife was saying, "What?!".

Amanda knows.

So apparantly, they are still in contact, which is what I suspected, anyway. I can't control her actions. I can only control mine.

I never got a response to my text to her last night. Possible that she could have gone to sleep early, what with her getting sick earlier, the test, and the crying with me.

We'll see if she contacts me today for some reason. Maybe a response to my emails I sent her yesterday. Or to at least let me know how she did on her test. Last night, she told me that she is going to a dinner tonight for the people that were helping test a new account system that her Credit Union is getting ready to implement. Those were the extra hours she was working. I may have to take Miguel with me to the house for dinner and then she can come to my house and pick him up.

Tomorrow, I will get off very late from work, so I already asked her to pick up Juli and I would be there as soon as I can.

So, we'll be together these next couple of days, at least.

I would love to have her back, but I don't think its going to happen. She knows what she is guilty of, but she won't take any steps towards me. I think we are doomed to be very good friends. She'll see me as the father of her girls and someone that has always been there for her.

She won't explore her "feelings" for me, and I have to accept that. She allows me to be there for her, but not a single step towards me. Not one little sign of affection, physically or other wise.

And I have to move on. But we'll see what the holidays bring.

I am not Joseph, from the bible. I am only Roger.

[whatdidido]

Not a single step toward you? I don't agree with that. THink about the funeral weekend. She's invited you for dinner, let's you help her, etc. She took your texts of emotion and continued to invite you over for dinner, etc. Believe me, those are steps toward you.

I was at a funeral recently. Didn't know it at the time, but my cousin was there with his wife and they are getting divorced. I remember thinking how cold she was to him. No hugs, no looks, no nothing.

YOu are Roger, a child of God. A believer of God. You know that with God all things are possible. Pray. Stay away from B. She will "fill you up" in ways you don't realize, which in turn, will lower your resolve to fight for your marriage. I see it already. I see a very different man from your posts after this weekend and I could be wrong, but I think you spent a good chunk of time with her this weekend. Either way, you can't stop fighting. YOu know this.

[kat727]

But she is giving you signs. She didn't answer the texts, she came and turned on the light for you when she just as easily could have repeated how to turn it on yourself, she let you console her and you are having Thanksgiving together.

Now let us get our head in the game and quit all thoughts and extra activities with the alphabet girls. They will not get you one step closer to getting your wife back. You keep saying how well you know your wife, then you know how to get her on your side. Think this through.

kat

[hopeful4her]

Ladies, I don't know. Maybe my head is on ass backwards, but I feel used. She takes what I give. Who doesn't love cake?

Concerning her dads death, I was the only one there to comfort her besides her little sister. Beej, I told you that maybe it was good for the long run.

She invites me for dinner? She's being nice to me. I give her unconditional love. She SHOULD at least be nice to me. Those are her crumbs that I snatch up.

She lets me help her? I feel taken advantage of. Just like a few months before she actually moved out. I was pursuing, buying her clothes, pretty shoes, getting her tattoo redone...
she just let me keep going on, until she finally had enough of my pursuing calls and emails and texts. I was suffocating her all of a sudden. We were both pursuing her. I lost the contest.

Like she has said before, she see's me as nothing more than a brother.

Kat, I don't see her NOT answering my texts as a good sign. I take it as the opposite. The light... she leaned in and pointed. I still turned it on myself.

I see Thankgiving as her way of having the best of both worlds. And I'm letting her.

Again.

I'm not giving up on her, but my resolve is definately thinning. Stepping outside of myself, I look at myself and think that I'm being played for a fool.

I'm going through emotions.

What I see is our relationship getting better, not our marriage. It may lead there someday, but that remains to be seen. You guys know I keep saying that it will happen someday, but not soon.

I love her, I want her, but I can't have her. Not right now. Right now, she obviously still wants him. I'm not dumb.

But I'll still keep holding on for now and hope that ya'll DO see things that I don't or interpret her actions different than I do.

Here's to hope.