I really do feel like it's heading in the right direction. Just some mroe stuff that has happened since then...
Saturday, she was going to come to the house for dinner. I took the boys to the store and got groceries and decided to try and make this recipe I got from my mom (never tried it before, but she said it was very good). So I am starting to cook and got the boys fed before she got to the house. Got Kung Fu Panda for them, so they were busy watching that while she was in the kitchen watching me cook, asking me what I am making and we talked about her business and gossip about the town her shop is in. We were (AGAIN) having a great time as we always used to do. She brought her guitar to show me how much progress she had made. She also brought me some fudge from the art fair she was at in the afternoon. So she's interested in sharing her interests with me and thnks ahaead and brings me something back. Was really happy with that! THinking about it, she's brought me more things over the past couple of weeks: CD's with music she found and thought I would like, bread she got at a local store that she tried and thought I would like... All positive things in my mind!
So we eat and she says how good it is. After we finish eating we have some more wine and eat some cheese. The thing is, that is all stuff that we always used to do and enjoy together until she got so busy with her business. The she plays some guitar for me, I tell her great it sounds and how much progress she has made, which she really did!
Of course, in my head, I keep thinking: so what exactly IS the problem here????? I have great time, she has a great time apparently, so what is it?? I know the answer , or at least I think/hope I do: she does feel a connection with me, but doesn't really trust the feeling right now. Does that make sense??
My W takes them every other Sat night, so I can sleep in on Sunday morning. So when it's time for her to leave with the boys, we put them in the car and close the doors, then she comes up to me and smiles very happily and hugs me, we let go and then she kisses me, and then she looks at me, smiles again and comes back for another hug! I was just really happy after that!!!! It felt like a milestone!!
Now for the downside, as you guys have warned me, my expectations crept up since then and when I saw her tonight, she wasn't nearly as warm to me as on Sat.... Got a hug, but no kiss, she said she was feeling like crap (sick) and told me not to kiss her as she did not want me to get it also. She also did not want to stay and eat (was just cooking) because she said she couldn't eat, she was just feeling to sick right now. Anyways, in my mind I was a little sad, but I did not let her know that. I said that I was going to make what I was making anyways, so it didn't matter whether she ate here or not, now I would just have some lunch leftover for tomorrow.
So just can't wait for the next babysteps!!! I just need to keep at it and not get my expectations up! After all this time it's just hard not to! I have been watching for this kind of stuff for a while... What gets me is how she still seems to be planning to stay in her apartment for a while, so I shouldn't expect any major change anytime soon apparently....
I will check on you LHS (read 3 pages tonight) and Joe soon!!
