Thanks for your comments. You are an inspiration for all of us when we have hard breaks and don't know whether to fold or persevere. I am really glad that you have a much better marriage than before. That is my carrot. I want that. I don't want my old marriage back at all. Not that it was bad but now I see that he was hiding so much from me, that's not what I want at all.
I don't think I am ready for a full-on relationship with anyone else. I do fantasize about being loved again and being valued for who I am, about finding a soulmate who understands and respects me. I really hope that this person could be my H. Lin, I will go and read your threads. Things are not looking as bleak as they did in the beginning. He has softened a little since I don't talk about R anymore. Softened but not changed his mind or anything, just nicer. Not so many angry looks or stinging comments.
I know in my heart I am still in love with H. I know that I deserve love. I just don't know if these things are two mutually exclusive choices or not. I am hoping they are not, just trying to keep an open mind and GAL. Like I said, I just want to have some peace. That is my first priority after all the drama. Trying not to think too much about OW and REALLY consciously trying to find forgiveness in my heart for H and OW. I pray for them every night.
Me:39 H:40 S:9 D:7 First Bomb ONS:June 07 Second Bomb OW: March 08 Separated: March 08 M:15 yrs T:18 yrs H deep into A with OW Achieved ACCEPTANCE May 30, 09
