Signs to say WAW woke up?

[dday101798]

What was your reply?

"That's why I'll be filing. "

I know not cool either. I lost my head a bit and fired some shots I shouldn't have, but given the circumstance of lies and no shame for this whorish behavior really hit hard.

Had a 'legal meeting' for lunch and everything is pretty much screwed right now and I'll just have to deal with life this way for atleast the next 16 months, how lovely. Any way, any form this goes to court right now it will be thrown out in a heart beat.

Well, maybe through that time I can re-kindle my desire to straighten things out. Right now, I'm beyond hurt and need to go back and relect on any reason why I'd want to keep this.

Will have to talk to her tonight about Thanksgiving plans. I'm making it known right at the start that's all the conversation needs to entale. I DO NOT want our kids spending a weekend there exposed to her & OM with nowhere to go and get away from it if the situation becomes too much. And, need to know if I'll have, one, none or both for the actual holiday.

I really need to find a way to not be consumed by her lies when I know they are.

[dday101798]

okay, after lowering my blood pressure significantly an dgoing through some of the "staying solution focused" threads I have re-kindled some hope.

I took note that I let this get to me way to easily and reacting incorrectly again in ways that come off negatively.

I will attempt an apology tonight, albeit I'm not the one who started throwing out the rotten comments. I need to remember to keep level headed and remember the "I" rule, like "I really get frustrated when you casually speak of OM" instead of "you really frustrate me when you speak of OM". I found myself really slacking off on that one.

[dday101798]

So, before I left work last night I wrote out how I planned to carry out the conversation up to and including responses to hypothetical answers W may give in order to not say something that would seem negative.

Well, all W wanted to do was fight as soon as the Thanksgiving schedule was ironed out (with attitude on her behalf). Immediately there after she went into 'fight mode' of which I endured for a few minutes then when there was no end in sight to her rants so I said 'we've covered the holiday matter and there's no need to continue this, goodbye' and hung up.

We had "agreed" that she will have them the 2 weekends since I have plans to work on the house this weekend and the less bodies roaming around the better.

A few minutes later she calls again, I decline. She leaves a VM to please call her because there's a problem with the agreement. So, left with no choice but to call her, I do. She says I need to have them tonight (Friday). I said no, I told you I will be working. She immediately goes into screaming again because she had 'party plans' for tonight. I told her I'm sorry, but this was my weekend off so I made plans, you'll have to just have to deal with it, goodnight, and hung up (really biting my tongue on the fact that this is YOUR time to see YOUR kids, and all you want to do is party, WTF?).

She calls a few more times, I decline. Then she starts with the evil texts, to which I just read, chuckled and ignored.

She sends another message this morning begging and pleading that they stay with me tonight. No reply, want to say that is't time to be a parent, not the party girl.

Oh, and she's supossidly "calling her lawyer this morning". That's pretty funny, she can't give me the decency of getting her own health insurance while she's banging someone else because "she can't afford it", but yet can aford a lawyer all the sudden? B/S.

So, I'm just going to let her sweat it out for a bit. Stay dark, and unless it's an emergency with the kids, ignore her calls and messages for the time being while I get work done on the house and myself.

[dday101798]

8 mintues left in the work day. Still no word from W since this morning.

Wondering if I'm walking in the door tonight to the kids sitting there abandoned, or if she'll be there to beg and plead in person. As for the later of the two, she may just infact be there, but certainly not to beg and plea.

Looking forward to a productive weekend. Oh and she's pissed that i'm "re-modeling" waht's that all about?

[FrankLovesPam]

I may be the last person on the planet you should listen to, and, of course, free advice is worth exactly what you pay for it...

I'm an LB (Actually I was forcibly removed. "Atypical WAW" is my home thread.) just now seeing some movement with a ray or two of hope.

I believe that you're wrong.

Sorry about being blunt.

Stop caring about her behavior and controlling it, or even complaining about it much. You can't control her behavior. Resolve right here right now that you're going to control what you can and know the difference between what you can and can't control. Use the _Serenity Pray_:
God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change;
courage to change the things I can;
and wisdom to know the difference.

Living one day at a time;
Enjoying one moment at a time;
Accepting hardships as the pathway to peace;
Taking, as He did, this sinful world
as it is, not as I would have it;
Trusting that He will make all things right
if I surrender to His Will;
That I may be reasonably happy in this life
and supremely happy with Him
Forever in the next.
Amen.

--Reinhold Niebuhr

It's called "Serenity" not because your life will be serene, but rather that you will become serene. Select for your life the credo, "I take the high road." Live the credo. Resolve that you'll take no action that causes harm or distress to others. Forsake revenge with a vengeance.

Let me apply it to some of your tribulations...

If she calls, answer or return the call later.
If she texts, answer or return the text later.
If she needs something and you can give it easily, give it.
If she hurt you yet more or yet again, don't get angry; don't let her win. You control you. Don't let her control you.

When I had to go to Court to get life-preserving chemotherapy from my own house and W was finally forced to give it to me, I said thank you, and graciously.

When she demanded the house, the cars, the bank account, and my life savings, I said, "OK, but only if I get what I want, reconciliation."

When she falsely claimed in a petition to the Court that I abused our sons physically so she could have the house to herself, I did a 180. I agreed to give her the possession of the house.

When she made paranoid claims that I was hiring teenagers who work for me to dent up her truck, I sent a letter to everyone in the company and to her lawyer, stating that anyone who has any unwanted contact with my family would be fired and that I would fully support prosecution of any vandalism.

Extend it...

When someone cuts you off in traffic, don't get angry. Just slow down to create assured distance. When you can follow up with a friendly wave to say, "No hard feelings", you've won.

When a service representative can't speak well enough to be understood, slow down and listen as hard as you can. When you can complete the call and accomplish your goal, you've won.

When you encounter OM on the street, be civil and polite (albeit brief). If you can, you've won.

When you can go to sleep knowing that the FOREVER children, will always remember a father of serenity, your children have won.

When you know the difference between the high road and the low road, and when you take the high road every time, you've won.

Now what is it you've won? I hope you can understand the simple answer is serenity.

Now is that a prize worth winning? You better believe it. You'll be happier. Those around will seem to catch serenity like a bad flu bug. They'll be happy. And if W sees a happy place with happy people, you might just find that the universe awards you as well with a complete family again, replete with serenity forever--just because you, in the darkest chapter of your life, chose against the odds and against the grain and against the very expectations of the one creating the darkness, the high road.

I wish you everything you want. You certainly deserve happiness.

Peace out...
Frank

[dday101798]

Thanks Frank, those were some useful words of widsom, wish I ahd access to them sooner this weekend.

Weekend was a complete blow out. As I figured, kids were 'abondonded' Friday night due to "OM's deceased Aunt's freind passing". What a doosey that one is. W claimed the death had just occured before 6pm and that she was on her way to the hospital and wasn't sure when she'd pick the kids up. Long story short, the death occured at about 7am, kids were never picked up and she promissed to pick them up Saturday, never did, then Sunday, never did. W stayed with Om at his place, even called me from there to start a fight.

Found out my youngest son had a been to the principal's office a few times last week due to a 'upset stomache'. Also, older son is being bullied by some kids at school because he's now in a couseling class for kids whose parents are seperated/divorced, and what not.

All attempts to talk civily with W druing the course of the weekend were pointless and just led to more bickering. She claims she hasn't talked with her "lawyer" yet but will certainly do so ASAP.

Wouldn't even drop off her kid's coat and it was in the upper 20's this morning and all the kid has is sweatshirt.

Just going to try and get through this week and keep myself busy and away from her as best as possible. Will have a nice quiet weekend as they're supossed to be going out of town. Kicks off Friday night with a 'happy hour' after work, so that outta refire the GAL aspect of things.

[dday101798]

Is it Friday yet?

Holiday season always sucked for me due to my messed up family as a kid and I carried that feeling on all the wya until now. I even at one point asked her to please calm down and stop trying to start a fight so we could talk. I let her know (as I have every year) she's the one that's kept me up through the holidays for the past 11 years and I really need to talk to her. All she could say is taht I should be talking to my "house-mate".

My historical depression during this time is definatley impacting my ability to keep on the path of keeping up on not being the person I've been to her that made her leave. Yet at the same time, there's so much going on with the kids that it's impossible not to have to talk to her.

Starting to wish this will all just end already.

[AmyC]

There's no shame in seeing your doctor and discussing the possibility of a mild antidepressant.

Depends on what kind of "happy hour" you want more.

Your choice, as always.


Now, stop being baited.
Every single time you let it happen, it reinforces your wife's idea that you're an ass and leaving you was a good thing.

Stop doing that.

And decide to have a good week.

In spite of her.

[dday101798]

Hi Amy, thanks.

I tried anti-depressents once, didn't go over well, made me very forgetfull and believe it or not even more tempermental after a whle. Never been a huge fan of prescriptions in the first place, there seems to be a wonder drug for everything these days. It is a thought on the back burner to maybe try again someday but in my work work, I can't afford to forget one single thing.

Apparently last night the 'rules of the game' have changed yet again.

I get home, both kids are there again. As I start to contemplate dinner for everybody in the house, W calls 'house-mates' phone, has a 10 minute long discussion with him, then asks to talk to our boys. She orders them both over to 'her' house and my oldest even gives me a 'voluntary' hug and says good bye, daddy. Usually I have to remind him to so much say bye when leaving for her house as he's always been the 'momma's boy' type and once he hears he can go over by her, he's gone so fast you never knew he was there.

Something is brewing, not sure what, but never has either of us had both on a weeknight unless something was going on and one of us would not be home for the night. Guilt for weekend of 'fun' or something else, not sure. Holiday's, parent teacher confrences? Don't know.

We never spoke, so don't know, all I can do is wait it out and see what's the agenda now.

So, I decided to treat myself to dinner, and yet again as I go out for a smoke break, there's OM accross the street getting her beer for the night, whatever. In other ironies, walking home I saw OM's sister's car (our maid of honor) heading toward W's house, and when I got home my brother in laws (lives with me) window was wide open and it was 27 degress out. So I called him up to see where he was to tell him his bedroom window was open, and when asked where he was all he said was 'out, why?'. Getting weird vibes here.

Definately going to have a good week in light of all this, the less I speak to her the better off I am.

I'm wondering if family interaction for the holiday's has something to do with it. My grandmother called me when I was out at dinner and let me know the plans for Thanksgiving. I have a suspicion she talked with W again and didn't like what W had to say about things because she started ripping into W pretty hard. That's shocking, my gram carries a grudge against NO-ONE. She even still sends my mother cards for every occassion after over 20 years of not being part of the family. For the record I said nothing in reply to fuel anything she had to say, I played it neutral and just kept replying 'I don't know what she's doing anymore gram'.

So that's all as of now. Had a nice night, ate like a king and slept well.

Happy hour is nothing more than a gathering of all the folks here at work. I usually don't attend, don't really have the money right now either, but it will be a nice opportunity to get out and socialize in a different enviornment, especially since I highly don't anyone will bring any of this up.

[dday101798]

Heh, Amy, Iknow you're not a fan of these, but I found today's horoscopes rather interesting.

Mine:

"Possibly because of the success of your recent activities, there are new lessons to be mastered. Find out what they are, if nobody has told you yet."

Hers:

"Slow down and review your actions. The structure you're building now will have to last for years."