I have the book and the movie, I understand the principals and I do try, but it is hard! Like anything else worth doing. I know. I was one of those Oprah watchers. LOL.
mt i dont know if i have said this to you yet or not, but I just have too, usually when people do what your H did, falsely accusing you, its from THEIR own guilt and actions. and it has happened to me enuff to realize when it happens, check out wtf he is doing............
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Yeah, I know, I have heard that many times, from you friends here and my friends in RL. Weird though he started to "wig out" don't have a better word, last year the day after we got home from Green Bay when we went and saw the Dancing with the Stars tour there. He was different that next day. Told me he didn't know what was wrong with him. He was better until the day he walked into the embroidery place and then really flipped out because of the look on my face. My friend Tiff and the weight loss pschycologist I was seeing in Wichita were the only two that knew about him and what he was accusing me off. Tiff thought maybe he was cheating too. If he was I don't have clue with who or when. The psychologist said, because guys were looking at me and were showing me attention (I can't say that I felt any attention when I lost weight, but I never made eye contact with anyone) it was scaring H. I know she was so right now when I look back at it. I think I knew at the time, but didn't want to admit what she was saying was right on with how H was acting.
This maybe be stupid, but I wonder if he didn't pick a OW that was a not looker or even tried to be because he worries if someone pays any attention his OP they will leave him. I haven't seen her really, but others tell me she doesn't wear makeup, or do much with her hair. When I met her before I don't even remember because I guess she was just plain. Not that plain is bad, but I guess it isn't something I want to be. Even if I am heavy I am going to put on my makeup and do my hair. I know because of the age difference between H and I (9years) that bothers him because he is getting older, right back in MLC land.
MT, has he told you that he doesn't like you or are you feeling that because of no eye contact or no touch?
Just wondered if he actually said those words. Because my H has also gone thru the no eye contact and no touch, up to even actually jerking away from me when I did touch him. Like he had been burned. Very strange.
I know that it was guilt and his pain. Nothing that I did.
I don't think that your H thinks it is "just sex", but I sure understand while you feel that way. I felt the same and even asked mt H the same question.
You hang in there sunshine. Keep reframing things and look for the positive. I think you will win this fight!
Most of us are about as happy as we make up our minds to be.
namesake,,,,,,,,,my dear I need you kinda. H was honest today in a talk and said he was even bored with food. just so bored. in my real life, you are the only person who has been here, sick, pasty, for me skinnier, and the hair. I just looked in the mirror and realized, wtf really would he not be bored with this? i know its not my fault, but man, wtf am i supposed to do?
M 36 XH 34 3 children If a house is divided against itself, that house will not be able to stand. Mark 3:25 "your mood swings are giving me whiplash" twilight ALIVE FREE AND HAPPY 2010
Hope, I guess he hasn't said that he doesn't like me. Just what I feel when he is in the funk he gets in. Last year the day he says he saw my face looking scared. He left when I got home he was in the basement working out. I tried to make things better and talk to him, and he pulled away, pushed me away, and told me to get away. When I think back even with the few fights we have had since August, no he hasn't pushed me away. Told me to leave when he wanted to leave, the night in the jeep when I was chasing after him in my flip flops, and then in the truck when he wanted to leave. Otherwise he hasn't told or pushed me away. I guess when I can tell he is like that I don't even try to touch him. He just seems limp like a rag doll, kinda. Not limp in the sexual context. LOL! Like if you were to hug him he wouldn't do anything, just hang there.
ok girls, I've been flipping and flopping today so I guess I missed something. Are we trying to decide MLC or just jerk? I too asked that question until I came to this board.
Not to hijack and i will try to make this a short and sweet as possible. At first, my H was just a little different. Changed his job and end 2005. GM died March 2006. Was staying at my mom's on work nights (closer to job) and he missed me like crazy. Sending wonderful texts etc... Then June 2006, refi house, pay off my truck, buy him one. H wanted to know why did we pay off my truck. Well, that is what we had to do for refi. Not my choice but... September 06 was the last msg I got saying I miss you, can't wait to be home or anything of the kind. I still have it in my phone. Couldn't get rid of it and I don't know why. But now I"m glad I still have it. Started getting more distant. Didn't want to bathe or shower with me anymore. Sex started to slide. Dec 06, MIL moves in. New Year's Eve 06 first time OW4 number showed up on phone bill (maybe she should be OW3 but the order I found out, I just don't think of it that way). I asked about the number, just a supervisor from work. Jan 07 the fights started. Over money of all things which there was plenty of and we have never fought about money even when we had NONE. Started wanting to come home all of the time. June 07 went on trip, kissed me before he got on the plane and told me not to cry, that was the last time I think he really wanted to kiss me. I just knew what was going to happen when he came home. We argued for the whole 5 days he was gone. I couldn't figure out what his problem was. Came home, very withdrawn. Well checked cell on line and there were over 200 text msgs to one number from another state, in 5 days! OW3. Just a friend. Just someone I met and hung out with. I still love you it just isn't the same in my heart or soul. You are selfish, wanting me to rub your head to go to sleep. I hate you. I will not stop talking to her. She is my friend. She is important to me. More important than you, after 5 days. Well the the IBC thing. That sort of shut him up for a while. He didn't know what to do. Felt trapped cuz I was sick but had to get me better. I called her and that was the end of their talking but picked right back up with OW4, who I still didn't know about at the time. July 07 was a big month. I thought things were getting better. Daytona, sex better, nicer H. Uncle died. Trip to MD for funeral. On H birthday, day after funeral, MIL stopped speaking to us (boy was that a nice 14 hour car drive.) August 07 we were getting along but not. Trying to get her out of my house. H felt like he couldn't do that to his mother and I felt like I was sick and needed no stress. So finally I told her it just wasn't working. Either she talked to us and acted like a part of the family or she needed to do something else. Well, she decided to do something else. Stress eased up. H and I getting along. The OW2 reared her ugly head. (The homewrecker from 1998-2000 who almost ruined my M). Something was bothering me about the cell bill. I went back to the day we got the account. And guess who's number was there in August 06? OW2. H had gotten new # with new account, which he didn't want BTW, we had had prepaid before that so no bills, H texting her his new #. The first person he texted or called, 5 minutes after he pulled out of drive way that morning. Well you want to talk about the Sh** hitting the fan, it hit it hard for about a month in this house. That is when I found out the supervisor was a woman. Just a friend. She is helping him figure out his head, he is learning a lot from her about being a parent etc...My ass. He hadn't been talking to OW2 all of these years, didn't I see her # was only on there a few times and that was it. Didn't think I would mind that he did talk to her then after all of that time. Well I didn't say would you like me to talk to the guy I had A with after 15 years? I should have but didn't. So talking with OW4 slowed as we were trying. I think it was more to shut me up than anything. I'm a raving bit** when I get going. Fall ok, lots of texting, sex, sexting, being together. Christmas 07 was good. I actually got flowers for Valentines 08. I really thought it was changing. Then May 08 things started going down hill. More distant again, fighting again, accusing me of affair. Well July 08, came home a little late and was proud to tell me that OW4 had texted him from Publix, in an altered state of mind, hypoxic, and he had to go check on her and call ambulance. That was it. If I was altered, I think I would text someone important to me not someone who was just a friend. So I wanted to know what was really going on. Just a friend. Impt to me, more impt than you, all of the same crap from the year before. I don't trust you with me, I don't want to answer to anyone anymore, I don't like you, it was just sex, etc... No more trying. Only here for S. So we are here now. Confused, not really together, H is depressed and we had another alien sighting a few hours ago. Doors slamming, wall punching, H is just tired. I know you are tired, you just worked 7 days in a row, no I'm just tired. We have sex, I don't go to him, but he always asks if it is what I want. Won't go forward unless I say so. Then usually next day, reminds me that he shouldn't have done it, won't do it again, feels nothing. Doesn't look me in the eye, half the time I think he doesn't look at me at all. Aggravated and grouchy with S. It is just nuts and I'm tired too. So that is my MLC. Pretty classic in many ways.
Last edited by kelaaron; 11/17/0811:37 PM.
If you focus on the past, you ruin the future. You can only live for today.
WOW Kel, that is a lot that you have dealt with. I am not sure how you have done all of that! I think I would have just rolled over and died. OK MIL lived with you and still didn't speak?
I am not sure where we got on the tangent we did in the earlier posts!
