W has asked how I could ever get past this and I have said I cannot do it without her help. I need NC in place with OM and complete and total transparency. Otherwise I will not get past it.
And so once again your threats were meaningless. As I read this repeat infidelity I have a vision of me walking in on my wife screwing some guy, and her saying, "I knew this would end badly. How can we get past this?" In the future she'll take NC to mean, no sexual contact, and then keep chatting with him (until the next time you catch her). This is why no ultimatums, because you aren't prepared to follow through with any of them. Before it was, "I'm leaving if she cheats", now it's, "I'll give her a stern talking to". It will not stop until she decides for good that she'll stop. If she's completely transparent (until she starts missing him again), she'll grow to resent you for your hounding her and start thinking how things are better with OM. She just got done with this guy....it shouldn't be as easy as flipping a switch and now she's ready to try. She needs time to figure out that you are what she wants FOR GOOD, not for the next couple weeks or months.
But maybe I'm not the one to post. If it were me I'd have kicked my wife to the curb already and never looked back....so I'm probably not the greatest DBer. You are being abused as surely as if she was kicking the crap out of you. You are a battered husband. Now you see why all those women that get the crap kicked out of them by their husbands don't leave.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you're alone with. Dr. Wayne Dyer
