It seems to be working! Sometimes....

[sandycay]

Journaling and a wonderful moment:

After my last post, I sat and prayed and really thought a lot about what he was saying to me all last week. He used to say I never listen, well I think he is mostly right. I just make it all personal. Even if he says it's not about you I project it on myself still. I DON"T LISTEN. All week last week during the rough spots he kept saying it was him not me making him feel that way. Well I didn't trust that, believe that or hear that. That made communication break down ( I did that) because I chose not to listen, hear when he said he was feeling off. I immediately took it as "holy sh@t here we go again". Then I started feeling insecure and you can read from my post where that got me headed. Anyway, I went back to bed Friday night and threw caution to the wind and he was receptive and things are going well which leads to one of the most special moments since our reconcillation.

We are finally joining our church. There is an 8 hour class that you have to attend and we have never been able to due to his schedule. Well my S (14)is attending a confirmation class and part of the is to attend the Welcome to the Family class so it worked out that we could go together. H said yes. He then got invited to go to the Seahawks game on Sun. which he turned down to go with us. Victory number one. We are sitting in a big room with a bunch of stangers and some close friends who are joining as well and with S. We are playing this type of game where the leaders are asking off the wall quesitons and anybody can answer.....a get to know new people exercise. Well, H has never spoke out in church group like that so the leader says: "who is someone who influenced you the most in your life?" Well, H's chair is kind of behind mine and hear my H speak. He said, " My wife (and he put his hand on my shoulder), she has always been there for me, and been a friend to me no matter what" Two other couples in the room know our story, there were about 10 other couples that have no idea and of course my S (who only knows that dad left for a period of time and our best friends and their 2 boys who also know H had moved out)well, I was stunned that he had the heart to say this and in front of our friends who knew "everything" , well it meant the world to me and to look at our son and the other young boys looking at this man with a "wow" look. It was jaw dropping and all I could do to not cry. But to look at the tears in all my friends eyes (even the H) I knew God was working on this H of mine and me. One of my friends spoke to me later and shared that her family was speaking of this and the impact of all my family has been through and to watch it come back together has made such a good impact on their family. She said it has shown faithfullness, forgivness, and even good people fall but they ARE able to get back up and do the right thing. She said it was inspiring. Imagine that! Anyway it was such a sweet moment and think I thanked my husband 4 times last night for it and told him I loved him.