Ready2Change (8) - Child Family Investigator

[Ready2Change]

So BH and Gypsy asked about My R goals.

Soooo.....

The question I always ask: What is in the best interest of my kids? First: My INTENTION is to have a loving relationship with W. THIS IS IN MY KIDS BEST INTEREST. I can control MY thoughts, words and behaviors in a way that is loving to my W. This is MY CHOICE. The way I react to W is also MY CHOICE. I will listen to her and validate her point of view without being defensive or judgmental. I do this by being empathetic to her.

Wife being at church during "my parenting time" was definitely a positive sign. She chose to be with me and the kids. 60 minutes as a family. I am not going to read anything into it. I enjoyed it. It is now a positive memory for me. One of the other church members also noticed....

The next most recent positive sign was S8 BD party. (I received a "Good night")

The next most recent positive sign was Halloween. W kids came to my neighbor hood. We spend 30 minutes going to my neighbors as a family. W chose to walk with me and the kids. Again, I did not read anything into it and I enjoyed it and created a positive memory for me.

I can see the positive signs when they occur. They come a lot slower than I would have guessed, but based on the "rule of thumb" time line of a month for every year of R, I still need to be very patient. Filling up her love bucket without pressure is the difficult part for me. I am focused on not dumping her bucket. Harder to DB while out of her space.

Next signs to look for:

1) More time as a family. 90 minutes.
2) More frequent time together as family. To do this, I need to open the door without pressure. Thanksgiving???
3) More eye contact. There is still very little. I still use this to gage OUR R.
4) Casual talking would be a positive sign. Currently there is very little.