Hi Beth Don't worry. I just catch up on your thread....lots of things happened past weekend, but you did good. Don't read too much on his return. Even it was great for him, he probably won't say anything right now. It's probably still early. Keep it light on the dentist reply...!! Run, run and run more.... Keep up the baby steps...treat him a like causal friend for now.
NW626
Me:33 STBXW:38 S:3 It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you fight the fight....!!
{{{Beth}}} You did fine with the email, tho some would say to stay dark..but I WILL say..if you are going to email, do it with NO EXPECTATIONS of anything in return..tough I know..tough tough..LOL..that's why a lot of times I'll text my hub instead of call him if I really need to tell him something because I don't want him to feel like I expect a reply or at least not right away if he doesn't/can't..
Hang in there girl..still waiting for good Fri/Sat night blues busters
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
I am feeling a bit down today. I wonder if that's normal after a first in-person meeting. I would be lying if I said I had not hoped he would melt when he saw me and say he misses me and wants me back. I knew that would not happen, but I still wanted it to happen. Plus, now we are on the backside of the meeting and who knows how long it will take for a next meeting or if there will be a next meeting.
These feelings are coupled with a genuine fear in my gut that H is going to physically drop. He looked ill. He is only 43 years old and he looked bad. I felt a physical jolt when I saw him. I know I cannot do anything about it, it's not that. Actually it is that - it is horrible to see someone you love not well and be able to do nothing about it.
I have lived this so many times in my family. Lots of cancer in my family and the loved ones are powerless to save the person. This feels different because it is not cancer. H is, on some level, subjecting himself to this and I cannot help him.
I know I need to get the focus back on me, but that is hard to do today. Today, I feel sad and helpless to save someone I love and adore who is physically and mentally derailing in front of me.
{{{Beth}}}} But unfortunately you can't save him..you can only save you..and pray for him and be there for him as a "friend"..if POSSIBLE, do something for yourself today..watch a funny movie, go get a manicure, go take a walk outside..something..?!
I'm glad you feel better and you do the same for me
Tawnya
Me:39 H:40 D18/S12 M20/T21 Bomb 10/11/08 One Two Three Four
Beth, if you ruled out legitimate illness as a factor, what he's going through now is exactly what he needs. Eventually, he'll hit rock bottom (either he'll get fired for insubordination or he'll physically drop). As much as you want to save him from...well...him, it's not your journey to take, and you shouldn't try to stymie or prevent it from happening. Extremely painful to see, but it's got to hurt if it's going to heal.
Don't feel too bad for him; he actively chose this path. Rather, his ego chose this path...power, achievement, wealth, winning...all sins of his ego.
Your job is to build up a large cache of PMA...enough to sustain two people for a while. In order to be there for your H, you have to start detaching yourself from him, as counter-intuitive as this may seem.
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
Insightful as ever. You are right and I like what you are saying about building enough PMA to sustain two people for a while. You really do a great job of getting me refocused on a positive way to handle this. Thanks.
The only concern I have about real physical illness is that he told me he has chest pains that radiate into his arms while at rest. I think he may be stressing himself into a heart attack. But, there is nothing I can do about it.
if you ruled out legitimate illness as a factor, what he's going through now is exactly what he needs. Eventually, he'll hit rock bottom (either he'll get fired for insubordination or he'll physically drop).
Yup. Remember my wife. Drove herself to an Ulcer. But that was enough to push her over the edge to put the D on hold.
We reap what we sow...
My thread, Carpe Diem #4 Orig Thread: Carpe Diem #1
