The Soap Suds Contiue

[kelaaron]

Ok. and you are welcome. actually the car idea isn't to bad and a wig

[Tomato]

hi there ..keeping a firm eye on you girlies as always

[Babygirl]

morning MT glad you had fun at the game!! so sorry about what you found on his phone! I am shaking for you. boundaries are hard, and what I think I figure out is telling them what our boundaries are, but not making it an ultimatum.

I love the idea of watching. can u get someone he doesnt know to drive you and sit with you? I think about doing it too, but cant drive myself to his job, there is another company right across the street where I could blend in.

hang in there sweetie

[1hope]

Hi MT,

Sorry I've been so tied up today.

I have a question. Does this OW know that you exist? Do you think there is any possibility that he has been playing you both? That might explain his phone call to her while he was in the sh!tter. (lol, that's the same thing my H calls the bathroom!)

I mean, it seems kind of strange to me that he would tell her he would stay with you till after the Holidays, it isn't like you have little kids or anything. It would also explain why he could call and check in this her after spending such good time with you.

I think the borrowed car idea is a good one. But be prepared for it to hurt. Knowing about it is one thing, seeing it is quite another. I guess I would only do it if you want to motivate yourself into boundary action. That pain and anger will help see you thu for a while.

[1hope]

I would probably have a close friend go with me.

[kelaaron]

Wow hope, that thought never crossed my mind. What if she doesn't know?

And yes, MT, one of the most hurtful things for me was finding an actual love letter that OW2 gave H. I knew, had known for 2 years and didn't find the letter til after it was over but it broke my heart into about a billion pieces. So definately be prepared for that.

[MT35]

Thanks guys, Yeah, I need to find someone with a regular car! I have one friend who drives a suburban with custom wheels that H's knows, my friend tiff, drives a Dodge with tinted windows, so at least I don't think he could see in anyway, it kind of blends in. LOL!

I met her about a year ago, when she first started working there. I had seen her at H's and her BF's work but never talked to her. I was still going in the store with him on Fridays - Sunday this summer up until late July. So everyone in there knew I was around.
The night of the funeral and the "After party" H had come home before he went because they weren't ready yet for the party part yet she called and he answered (the only time he has talked to her in front of me) she asked where he was and he said home and she said sorry for calling there and he said it was OK. At that point he was full into the lust part, just listening to him talk to her made me sick. And when he hopped up and left it just killed me to see him like that. I have thought to myself a couple of times, it seems like a normal thing that the married man says to the OW, that he is going to leave his wife and then just keeps putting it off. Then I think well it can work the other way for me too. Although he has never told me he is going to stop seeing OW.
I wish I was stronger and was able to say I could just tell him "how it is", but I am not. I think I feel I will hit it and it will just come out at some point. I almost don't think I just plan when or how I can do it, that is will come out when I have to let it out. Does that make sense?

I wish I was strong all the time, but I am not.

[1hope]

That's ok. Most of us aren't strong all the time. That has nothing to do with making a marriage work anyway. Sometimes you have to be everything BUT strong.

MT, have you ever read any books by James Dobson? There is a book about "tough love" that might give you the words for establishing your boundary. When you combine that with the live saving techniques of DB/DR you shoule be able to move forward (when you are ready) without feeling weak.

It feels to me like you are getting to the point when you will "have had enough." It does make sense to me that when you are ready for it to happen it will come out. However, I think that if you are prepared you will be able to act with love and not react with emotion.

That is something that I am just now figuring how to do.

[1hope]

I have to say, that it disgusts me that she called him the night of the funeral. She had just burried the father of her children and she was looking to get laid by another woman's husband?

What a cheap C.

[1hope]

BTW, I have a really good wig that I could let you borrow if you are planning on doing the "stakeout" thing.

I wore it to the bar with my H once and no one recognized me. My FIL actually came up to where we were sitting to see who he was with.

It was a riot. Course that was before the MLC stuff started.