I decided to casually ask H if he'd like to go as my guest. I told him that it's okay to say no if he can't or didn't want to go. He replied to the text saying to put his name down as my guest. So for now he's planning on going. I'm already practicing both scenarios in case that changes though. Before I would get upset, now I know I won't if he cancels. Thanks all!
H and I got into it yesterday after about 4 hours of him saying he'll be over shortly and never showing up. He knew I needed the cs as well and that was the part that angered me. Anyway, after we spoke, he has decided he wants us to go to MC instead of getting divorced. We'll see if he runs with that idea or not now that it's a new day.
That was interesting...an arguement that results in H saying he wants MC vs D? Do a 180 here, research for a solution based C or set up one of those 2 day intensive sessions with Michelle out in CO.
Live your life while you are still living. Riding the trail less traveled.
WOW WOW WOW. Are we married to the same man? My H now wants to go to MC (although he's still not sure he wants the M) after steadfastly refusing it for many months. This is VERY promising!
I'd just call of the MCs' offices and ask if they're solution-based.
All-riiiiiiight! Excellent!!!!! Excellent!!! Please, both of you, read this before picking a MC: Choosing a Marital Therapist
Please do
be thoughtful when selecting a therapist.
work together in selecting one. both partners should interview him or her.
Interview the therapist about his or her philosophy and approach. If the therapist won't grant you a 45-minute interview (free), then he or she is too busy and you don't want them.
be patient. The important thing is to do the therapy. It is not so important that you start "immediately." If you do not find the right one at first, keep interviewing. Don't settle for someone you are not enthusiastic about.
get a specialist, not a therapy generalist.
find one with a time that works for both of you. If you have a great therapist but you are stressed for every appointment because you have to rush out of work, or for some other reason it is difficult logistically, you won't be in a good state of mind during the therapy session.
ask for references and credentials. You would do the same for a simple babysitter.
Do not:
Pick one out of the yellow pages
try to save money on a therapist. It's not worth it.
ask a single litmus-test question (eg, "Are you solution oriented?"). Interview the person.
Pick a generalist, someone who is a jack (or jill) of all trades in the therapy game.
Trust that all therapists are "equal". You need to find one that really fits you and your situation.
I talked to H last night and he's already talked to his IC about starting MC for us. He's seen his IC about 4 or 5 times and really likes him. C told him he can see us together, or if I'm more comfortable with someone else then he can refer us to someone else. H set the appointment for this Thursday at 7:30 (in place of his IC) to see if I like him and what I think of him. H really likes him, which says alot since he didn't "believe" in C's in the first place. So I guess we'll see how this goes. He's going to send me the C's info today so I can check him out.
Andabelle, awesome news for you too! We'll have to keep eachother posted for sure!
did you read the article? Seriously. Think about a specialist. A specialist!
Many therapists think "what they hey, marital therapy is just therapy, right?" It's not. It's different. Different discussions, Different answers. Different solutions. See a specialist!
We saw a therapist who was not a specialist, and it was a very bad experience. After that the wife refused all other counseling. Don't let this happen to you.
I fully agree. Once I get this dude's info, I'm going to check him out and see what his specialty is. They give us a list of specialties when you pull up any doctor and their name, address, phn#, etc.
