Worse before Better?

[Valeria]

All my H had to do to "drop" the D action was call his L and tell him to stop the proceedings. H's L called the court house (where the papers were filed) and the D was stopped, but it still remained a matter of record.

I don't know about not being able to talk about the D after papers are served. All my L said was that both parties must not harass each other.

Your H's L could have advised him to mention mediation. I never went through mediation so I'm not familiar with it.

[Sophie]

Hi:)

WHEW...I made it through the soccer game no problem.

I have to get there a little early as Coach wants the kids early to warm them up.

I was sitting comfortably watching....H came in at a slow pace.

H came over to me, sat down one bleacher seat behind me....safe enough distance, but WAY closer than I thought he'd be!

H looked at me with some sort of concern/remorse....I don't know...but, he wasn't carefree and relieved.

As to any other soccer parent I asked 'how are you?.

H gave a slight shake to his head, didn't really answer, and immediately asked me 'how are you?'

I said 'fine' with a little nod, as I would to any other soccer parent.

He kept sitting near me and asked where D8 was. (I already had my report of the kids wherabouts speech prepared in my head)

'She's at her friends house...maybe spending the night. S13 had a late night at his friends bday party so he is being lazy at home with the neighbor...S10(the one playing soccer) has plans to spend the night at his friends after this game'

H: Oh okay...that sounds fun.

I almost told him that I haven't said anything to the kids yet, because I think H was 'fishing' for that....but, I didn't.

I'm pretty sure H could tell by the happy mood of S10 that I hadn't said anything about the D.

When the game started, I went to where I wanted to sit...I had no idea where H went.

After I sat down, settled in...I noticed H standing behind the little bleachers and figured 'whew'...he's going to stand back there.

Nope.

H comes around and sits about 3 feet from me as we have always done...like we are family some how. I'm NOT his sister for pete's sake.

After the game...he walked us to my car. H told S10 to have a good time at his friends.

I said, 'we have to stop and pay for S13's contacts first'....just one of the items I pay for the kids that H never thinks about.

H tried pretty hard to say a sincere 'good bye' to me. He even tapped the car to get my attention.

I finally made eye contact with him, he motioned 'bye'...and I gave a half-tweaked sort of smile.

I drove him...pretty relaxed and relieved that the encounter was OVER.

ahhhhhhhhhhh.....

[Sophie]

It's Sunday here....I slept late...again, I love Lunesta.

Get this...

S10, on his own, called H to check that H was coming over to watch the football games. (Kids don't know anything about the D papers, and we've been watching games mostly here, sometimes at H's house.)

H said, sure...I'll be over around 12:30.

H told S10 that he just got up and it 11:45pm....

H said "it'd be nice to go to Clearwater...(that's our neighborhood restaurant) but I doubt that can happen".

S10 said, 'YEA let's go'!


I hope this gives a glimpse into how shocked I was to get papers at this time as we have been hanging out so easily and regularly.

Except for lack of finances, H has had a comfortable time with the kids and dealing with me....'cause I just don't care what H wants to do. Dropping the need to control all events was a huge 180 for me...as I was raised, and trained, to be a controlling person.

I am going to do what I have to do in my day, with my work, cleaning the house etc....

I would think H would have just asked S10 if he wanted to go back to his place to watch football.

I suppose if it gets uncomfortable enought, he will do that.

I'll keep you posted....

[Andabelle]

You are handling yourself very well!

[Sophie]

Andabelle,


OKay...question here! H brought a special bottle of Merlot!

Why did H go out of his way to bring special wine for me????

He has hardly EVER done this.

H is in a warm friendly up beat mood....

I'm working here in the next room.


AND...H wants us, the family, to go to our little restaurant to watch the Steeler/Charger game. (i'm from San Diego...H has always been a Steeler fan...H is from Va)

I am so suspicious...but, he's acting like a real family member, dad and man of the house.

WTHeck??

I just wanted to add something about myself...I like to sip on wine...but, I don't get drunk and let caution to the wind.

I don't know why H brought the wine but he's acting like a celebration and he's a complete moron if he thinks I would celebrate a D with him!!

[Maya44]

Sophie, I too think you're handling this so well! Accept the wine as you would if was from a friend and be grateful you don't have to spend the money on a bottle the next time you want a glass. I wouldn't open it with H though, just thank him and put the bottle away. I think he'll get it that you're not celebrating then.

[Sophie]

Hi...well, H asked how my work was going and said that he'd like to pour me a glass.

Um....okay.

I just sip...he knows I don't party drink...unless I'm at a party which hasn't happenen in ages.

Anyway, I've been working the whole time H has been here, and helping s10 with a little school project.

H is a completely different person than last weekend.

I don't get it.

It is more amusing than irritating.

Wonder what's next?

Should I ask? I think not, but I just want to say 'what is going on with you today?'

If I shouldn't ask anything and just go with it...'as if'...that's no problem. Less stress.

[Andabelle]

That is puzzling. Maybe you should just ask what's the occasion?

[Sophie]

Well...it's MOnday now...

I didn't ask anything yesterday...I just went with the flow and did my own thing.

H wanted us to go the neighborhood restaurant to eat a little and watch the football game.

We were waiting for d8 to come home from a sleepover. H suggested he take the boys and then d8 and I come when she got home.

As I have been doing for the past 5 months...said, 'sure...no problem.'

When they left H said two different times..'So...you'll meet us there?"

When d8 and I walked in, d8 saw H and the boys at a table and walked ahead to sit down.

Remember my neighbor, MrB? (MrB recommended the lawyer that night in the middle of my street)

MrB was sitting in my route to the table and I know I lit up when I saw him, because MrB knows what I am going through. MrB shook my hand and asked how I was. MrB indicated he know H and the boys were in the next room.

H saw this interchange and that I was happy to see this friend. H asked 'who is that?' The kids and I explained MrB lives the next street over and his daughter is friends with s13.

We've explained this to H a few times over the last 6 months.

Later, in the restaurant, H asked about MrB again! H couldn't remember where MrB lived....where is H's mind???

If any of you were to see H, our 3 kids, and me...at any time yesterday (at home or in the restaurant) you would think 'there's a content happy family'.

Yesterday was one of this family's nicest days.

What happened to the D??? If H thinks he is just trying to show me how nice he can be, that just because we are D'd...we can still be like this...he's nuts.

If that is what he is trying to show me...I think it is border line emotional cruelty, especially to the kids.

If we can get along that well...and it is like that most of the times we are all together...my opinion is that to divorce is a cruel thing to do to 3 young kids.

Additionally, I still have to counter file, at least while his papers are still there. Once he sees my counter suit...he won't want to hang out with me.

Maybe he realized he's going to get his D...because I didn't beg, scream, or try to change his mind this time. And, maybe, he's not so sure now.

Geesh...

[Maya44]

You never know what they're thinking hon. Just go with the flow and do what you feel is right.