Super close to walking out

[DownNotOut...yet]

SirPrizeMe makes some good points. I too, do not offer pity, only perspective.

There are so many similarities between your husband and me and my wife and you.

Your attitude from this end does seem sort of crappy BUT it is not at all unusual. You are no different then many WAW or soon to be WAW. How you feel is how you feel. The interesting question is how did you get there? Since you are here I assume at least some part of you would like to know how could you get better.

Did you ever communicate to your husband how unhappy you were? Did you communicate it in a way you KNEW he understood? My wife and I are in what I guess you would call "Piecing". She not too long ago told me, "For seven years, I was so unhappy." I asked her if in once in seven years she ever sat down and thought about what would make the relationship better OR how could we make the relationship better. Her answer was no. In your 14 "ugh" years together, how many books have you read, or sites like this have you visited, or constructive suggestions have you made with regards to the relationship? I am not slagging you down. I am just trying to provide food for thought and some perspective from your husbands side of the fence. I am positive, when your husband married you, he never thought, HEY! I am gonna marry this woman so I can make her unhappy.

Anyway, now to the smothering...guys fix stuff. Tire is flat, put on the spare - problem solved. Toilet clogged, get the plunger - problem solved. Light bulb burns out, replace with a new one - problem solved. Logical solutions for problems. You tell your husband he was absent, he smothers - problem solved...except it's not!!?? You are more pissed and things are worst. Your poor dumb husband can't figure out how the hell to fix it, how to solve the problem. You've heard the man joke of "get a bigger hammer." Well your husband tried smothering, it didn't work so he smothers more and harder. It's the only logical solution. He desperately wants you to be happy. He can't figure what to do. When I was in this phase, from frustration and hurt, I literally banged my head against the wall till my ears rang because I couldn't understand what my wife wanted. I would up on Zoloft and popping Ambien. I know lots of other guys in the same boat. I just admit it. Guys really, really care, they just don't know what to do because woman don't come with Chilton's Manuals. Things are better now 'round here, you guys could get better. Get the books, even if you are the only one to read them. The books cost like 15 bucks. I read the average divorce costs something like 50 thousand bucks when it's said and done. Even if you hate your husband right now, save yourself some money...

It feels like your husband needs to be here. I feel like one night commiserating at the bar with any number of guys around here could put your husband on the path toward doing what is needed. You might point him toward these forums.

You should look at the Keeping Love Alive DVDs. Since you are here. I suppose you might be open to them. They helped us a ton. You might not be able to communicate what you need from your husband or what you need him to do. You might not know what YOU need to do. Those DVDs will help both of you.