Thank you!

Lisa, thank you for bringing my focus back. Your post really helped to clarify my mind which had begun spiraling rather. I think maybe more at the thought of receiving and email to begin with and then confusing itself into not receiving one. Actually the FB stuff didn't affect me. It kind of helped in a way to think I wasn't going mad and imagining it all, at least it was confirmation - that was the reason I looked. I woke up this morning wondering whether I had imagined the whole thing! And had made a big fool of myself... of course they could be housemates but Jody said that was very unlikely.

I had moved my focus individually onto me and my feelings and h and his feelings, not my marriage. My goal is still to save my marriage therefore you are right in that I need to work on building friendship etc. I suppose I am doubting my actions in sending the email as he had opened up correspondence before me sending that. I am wondering if I have shut it down again by talking/ addressing 'stuff'. But then, could I really have gone on ignoring it and Jody is the expert on this kind of thing. I'm just not very good a waiting and not having a plan... having a plan gets me through!

Ali, you are right I think that sending him a jokey text would not help. I need to let him be and not 'save' him/ fix things. As for me not being a factor in ow's life, I have to disagree. He is still married to me, we own a house together and he is still paying me a large portion of his salary each month towards the house. Also the fact that he hasn't told me about her and we don't seem to be making any headway towards divorce or selling the house would be a vexatious point to her. I also doubt he is slagging me off as he has no reason too. If I were her, I would be bothered.

I know that you did not mean to but some of the phrases you use are quite harsh. I know that my situation isn't exactly rosy at the moment but I am realistic, I do know the situation. Sometimes spelling it out to me can be quite hurtful, especially when I am down or vulnerable as I was feeling this morning. However, you are right that it is extra difficult when the WAS is involved with another person.

ITH, I am hurt and wanting resolution to the situation. Thank you for reminding me that time is my friend. There is no rush, I am trying to sticky plaster over the hurt by changing things (I have had a strong need to sell the house lately and start somewhere else). However, before I can do that I need to see out this email.

Friendship is all I want at the moment. I need to be his friend before anything else to see if I could actually be married to him again - he feels like a stranger to me, which is silly as he was my best friend for so long. Thank you also for reminding me that him not responding is his issue not mine. My email was in no way threatening and if he can't face what he has done he will have to one day.

I have to say the 'd' word has never been mentioned but then, he is pretending he isn't married at the moment (even deleting me from our honeymoon pictures so who knows). I think he will need to do some growing before he initiates divorce and that may mean accepting some stuff that he is busy distracting himself from at the moment. The business stuff we have to deal with is the house, so he will have to contact me eventually.

I suppose I haven't done a good job in getting it out of my mind today and have done no day job work either. To quote FG, I need to 'do work' even if I can't do anything about my relationship right now.


M- May 2006
D - Aug 2010
Now travelling the world