Another wife hit by the bomb #3

[Tawnya]

Good morning! A pretty uneventful day yesterday..but..a few things to journal

Asked my hub before we both left for work yesterday, much more calmly, if he would really be able to clean the building we normally clean (that I've been cleaning all the time since the bomb dropped) yesterday and that if he could great and if not great, but I just needed to know. He said that he could and then (now remember, I'm not suppose to care or ask him where he goes and vice versa) he said "what do you have going on that you can't do it?" (made me chuckle inside when he asked) and I said "I'm just going out to dinner with a friend" and left it at that.

So, (Amy you'll be glad to know) I went out with a gal from work yesterday and we went and ate Mexican food and just talked for a few hours..it was nice..then I had to go and pick up my daughter who had been out of town and then we went and she ate at Panera and we talked and then came home..

Sigh..on the blah side..I guess I will try to call a lawyer whose name I got out of the phone book and see if they charge anything for a consult and try to make an appt with them Just not really wanting to do that..but I know I need to..tho I feel pretty good about knowing about the alimony part (that he would have to pay for 10 years) and I really think hub will be the one in for a surprise when he goes today..but we'll see?

Tawnya

[carpenter54]

Tawnya

The lawyer thing sux.....but you are doing it for protection not vengance!!

You want vengance?? Google "alienation of affection". It's a trip...

Do you send your son to counseling? My daughters went for the first time last week.

Kids are smart my 12 year old is very stressed by all this....counseler is probably the only person she talks to rite now..she has told me that "you and mom are kinda far down the list of people to talk to".
Hope this helps a little

Last thing....do not discuss any legal stuff with H!!! If he brings it up tell him to have them talk....I tell my W that they do legal and we do family.

[marriedCrazy]

Thinking about you Tawnya and hope you get the info that you need.

54 is right. NC is one of states left in the Union where you can sue for "alienation of affection."

Tom

[StrgMarvelousWmn]

OOOHHH that's right, in NC you can sue the OP for alienation of affections!

Darn I wish VA had that law! Maybe its time for me to move south of the border! Tawnya, need a roommate?

SMW

[Tawnya]

SMW..come on down

Yeah I know abandonment is certainly an issue that I can claim for sure..I haven't really checked into that alienation of affection, but it certainly would apply :P

Well the "cheapest" lawyers that I found were $100 for a consult..so I will have to wait until I get paid again, as I don't have an extra $100 not accounted for, as I wasn't expecting to do this..wish I could find a free consult person, but I haven't found one yet

Thanks for the thoughts and hugs

Tawnya

[Tawnya]

Well..I did it..I called and made an appt to see a law firm..funny enough..I don't get paid until Thurs and they can't actually see me till Thurs anyway..LOL So it worked out well, tho I hope hub tells me what he finds out today whenever/wherever he goes.

Sigh..now to just get on with myself and forget about it until Thursday!

Tawnya

[Amy M]

{{{{{Tawnya}}}}}!!!

I'm just trying to catch up with folks. Sorry about the L, but you're doing the right thing. You have to consult...it will make things so much clearer for you...and likely less scary from a financial standpoint as well.

And, I am sooooo proud of you on the dinner with friend!!! Keep that stuff up. It will make a huge difference in how you feel about you and how you feel about your sitch and everything else.

I can honestly say that I had a blast this weekend...and, I haven't done much over the past few months that wasn't overshadowed by my sitch. But, this weekend I was free from it. My new friend...who I met on Friday night who's in a similar sitch would periodically mention her sitch, and we'd talk for a few minutes about both our H's, etc. But, it wasn't nearly as sad as it has been! I'm finding Amy. Amazingly...I didn't know she was even lost till H dropped the bomb.

You are doing good!!! God will take care of all of us...even in our darkest hours. Hang in there!

Love you!
Amy

[Tawnya]

{{{{{Amy}}}}}} Right back atcha in the doing good department..I'm so proud of you doing that race..that is so wonderful and I'm glad you had a WONDERFUL weekend..you so deserve it

Tawnya

[Tawnya]

Good morning everyone..well yesterday was pretty uneventful..

Hub supposedly had his meeting with a lawyer yesterday, at least that's what he said on Saturday..but he didn't mention it to me at all last night when he got home..so I figure one of 3 things happened:

1) He didn't go

2) He didn't like what he heard

3) He didn't want to tell me what they said

I dunno what to think, but I didn't ask (which was a 180 for me for sure LOL..I LIKE to know what's up if at all possible)

Also wanted to mention that I talked to my daughter, 18, about this..she, of course, knew something was up because of hub sleeping downstairs..she is a lot like my hub, less emotional, more cynical in some ways, she said "well to be honest, I'll be gone next year for school, so it doesn't affect me as much as it affects you, obviously"..it was actually funny that both of my kids were concerned about ME while I was concerned about them..LOL..she and I talked more in depth about it than my son and I did..my daughter even had the insight to say, after I told her what my son said about me even dating someday (LOL), she said, "yeah, if you did, it would be a long time but I could see dad dating much sooner, if he's not already"..

So..both of the kids know and they are not tragic about it..tho, of course, I will keep a check on them and make sure they are ok and not just hiding stuff in..but, like I said, hub was never a super duper hands on dad, a good dad, but not a hands on, so him not being around all of the time is not a lot different than his normal working so much time..

Funny tho, my daughter made me really question myself about standing for the marriage..which I found funny that she would be the one..but she thinks that once hub's mind is made up that he sticks with it and is much less emotionally attached than I am..and in some ways she's right and I listened very intently to what she said because she and his personality are alike, she told me how that if we (she and I) spend too much time together we grate on each other like hub and I do..just because our personalities are so different...

HOWEVER, I remember a lot of good times with hub and I, how we depended on each other and laughed and loved each other even thru all of the "crap"..so that is what I will hang on to..

And, I do have to say, talking with my kids has helped me detach a bit more than I was previously..

Tawnya

[Amy M]

I'm glad the kids seem to be doing okay with things. As a mom, that was the hardest part for me...still is! And, mine worry more about me than themselves as well...and they are 3 and 6!

Just keep praying about the sitch. That's the best thing you can do.

Any plans for GAL activities this week???

Amy