Is this worth saving, or am I only fooling myself?

[Dash]

Hi T2L and Faith,

Thanks for the encouraging words. Yes, as silly as it may sound and as mean and heartless as she acted the other night, I still want to save my marriage. But I have to wonder if I really can.

I still love that sweet, wonderful lady I fell in love with back then. And I know she's still in there somewhere. As for what she thinks when her head hits the pillow at night, you're right, I have no idea what that is, but I also wonder if there's anything at all.

I also know she's going through a bit of withdrawal from her EA, because she doesn't have a compute or internet access right now.

I get confused about the 180's and what exactly it is that I'm supposed to do. On one hand, I'm not supposed to be her friend because she's involved with someone else, but then again, he offers her conversation and he listens to her. How can I do those things and remain dark like SAA says to do? How can I show her love without chasing? Where is that fine line? I have gotten the book by the way. I read the entire thing twice already trying to absorb it. I think I need someone to teach me patience.

In the beginning of our breakup she called me every day and we talked, really talked for hours. Since I've gone "dark", it seems I've pushed her farther away. But how do I turn that around? Do I keep staying "dark"? I just don't know which way to go.

I think I might have used up any feelings she had left for me. I worry about that and I have been in a funk since getting home early Sunday morning.

To GAL should be easy, but I am having trouble getting motivated to do anything at all. Even simple everyday things seem to take so much effort. I haven't even eaten since Saturday afternoon.

I think I feel worse now than I did when this whole thing started. Why does love have to hurt? Why can't she remember all the good things instead of every little bad thing?

Maybe it is really over for her. The way she acted the other night I can't imagine her having a change of heart. I never imagined her treating me the way she has since all of this started. Saturday was the worst she's treated me throughout this entire process as far as being cold and distant and downright mean.

I don't know what to do.