So John..maybe we need to buy or make you one of these..
Drool cup: a handy device employed by elf hunters and pervy fanciers all over Middle Earth. It is a plastic cup that fits over the mouth to collect drool. This prevents messy puddles from forming during the ogling of good-looking Middle Earth inhabitants.
Just thinking of you buddy. Let your daughter wish. Who knows.... it might work. Eventually however, you'll want to make sure she understands reality. But give it a little time.
hhmmmm...may not be a bad idea. I could use it to go to bed and also...later on when I start frequenting establishments where one may bump into a good-looking inhabitant.....it should make for interesting conversation.
I am not sure. I did ask her that and she said no. I am the man....whatever that means....I interpreted as saying if you want mommy back you need to work (sorry Forrest). I have a hunch that W although a pretty good communicator is not very open to communicating when the subject matter is a little thorny. That has been my experience in the past and therefore, I am pretty sure that W's attitude to D7 is to suck it up. Incidentally, after my Saturday morning "speech" regardin OM sleeping over when D7 is around, I followed it up this AM. with a nice e-mail (I do not think she found it very nice) outlinimg my concerns as it pertains to D7. Whatever W wants to do when D7 is not around is no longer my concern, however, when she is there, unfortunatelly for W, it is. I also wrote that when i agreed to 5 day 2 day schedule it was for logistical purposes and for some sort of stability for D7...I strongly suggested that she not take that 5/2 for granted especially since the stability factor has been altered. Needless to say no return e-mail or phone call...i am sure she is fuming...the truth hurts sometimes.
In my case my kids would constantly talk to me about what happened (still do) and NEVER to their dad. Even after 6 months in therapy they couldnt talk to my H about it. I guess they didnt want to make him upset since it was clear he left and they felt they would make us as an option less attractive if they brought up the thorny subject... They were just trying to please him by saying nothing... At a point the C asked my H to bring the subject himself and he did and although they did ask him a few things they were never as "dramatic" as they were with me... I know my H was not trying to soothe them, he was trying to avoid the subject... It sucks, anyway you look at it.
Yes, it sucks big time to watch my daughter suffer like that...the only thing that I can even think of to lessen the blow for me is that the pain will eventually subside in her. Hopefully without too much collateral damage. Here I am agonizing over this and the X introduces a new boyfriend to my D7. How did I ever get involved with a person with so little moral fiber in the first place???? what kind of an A.H. would even consider doing that. In his defense maybe he did bring it up....yeah right. I better not hear that he even raises his voice with D7 or I will end up behind bars.
What can you really do if your STBXW disrespects your wishes? Can you set some definitive consequences if she continues.
It is tough at first knowing that someone else is filling in as her step father. I have accepted it now and have trust in the guy. You may find that talking with the guy on the phone to get a feel for who he is can help relieve some of your worries. It is especially tough when you have a daughter.
One of the most difficult things for kids is the thoughts and dreams of reconcilliation. I find that I am just very truthful with the kids and tell them that their mom and I are never getting back together, but that we will still work together to make sure they are taken care of well. Even tonight, S8 was wondering that since now his mom seems regretful that maybe she will come back now - I had to tell him that it will not happen because I made a decision when I started dating that our marriage could not be saved.
I can understand your difficulty now. Part of it is imagining your W in the home you shared, but now with another man. And you probably have thoughts in your head of what D7 is seeing - are they kissing in front of her? Is she hearing intimate talk or even worse is she hearing your STBX talk badly about you with OM? You cant let your imagination get you down.
It is good to let your X know that you think D7 should be shielded a bit longer before being introduced to any new men.
Divorce sucks, but we have to make the best of it.
