We had an interesting night to say the least...Dan took S6 to karate, his parents went to watch for the first time. Then they all came back to our place for dinner. I made an effort on dinner, put out a nice tablecloth, set the table before they came, made a nice dinner, coffee for his parents, etc. etc. His parents were very pleased and I think H was, too.
Then after kids were in bed, I was folding laundry and found "The Notebook" on a cable channel. Had heard good things...H came in from cleaning out his truck, sat down, started watching it with me.
If you haven't seen it, it is ALL about love, dedication, commitment, 'fairy-tale love'--the man's wife has alzheimer's and he reads them their true life story from a notebook, his kids tell him to let her go b/c she doesn't know him anymore, he says he will never leave her, she is is family, his home...
Suffice it to say we were both bawling at several moments in the story. Dan cried like I couldn't believe. There was one spot I loved where the young version of the couple were in an argument as she decided whether to stay w/him or go w/someone else. He told her she was a pain in the ass most of the time, that being with her would require work every day for the rest of his life, but it was worth it bc he WANTED her....
Anyway when it was over and we were both bawling I told H that was how I always wanted it to be with him, that was how I felt,and I truly wanted him to have that, too....H was just crying and nodding his head and hugged me...
Pretty intense stuff BBJ. If that is what you want than keep fighting! Keep praying that he sees the light one day and that he can have this life with you.
We had an interesting night to say the least...Dan took S6 to karate, his parents went to watch for the first time. Then they all came back to our place for dinner. I made an effort on dinner, put out a nice tablecloth, set the table before they came, made a nice dinner, coffee for his parents, etc. etc. His parents were very pleased and I think H was, too.
Then after kids were in bed, I was folding laundry and found "The Notebook" on a cable channel. Had heard good things...H came in from cleaning out his truck, sat down, started watching it with me.
If you haven't seen it, it is ALL about love, dedication, commitment, 'fairy-tale love'--the man's wife has alzheimer's and he reads them their true life story from a notebook, his kids tell him to let her go b/c she doesn't know him anymore, he says he will never leave her, she is is family, his home...
Suffice it to say we were both bawling at several moments in the story. Dan cried like I couldn't believe. There was one spot I loved where the young version of the couple were in an argument as she decided whether to stay w/him or go w/someone else. He told her she was a pain in the ass most of the time, that being with her would require work every day for the rest of his life, but it was worth it bc he WANTED her....
Anyway when it was over and we were both bawling I told H that was how I always wanted it to be with him, that was how I felt,and I truly wanted him to have that, too....H was just crying and nodding his head and hugged me...
OK new day, new adventures.....
Old Nick Sparks..he has a few tear jerkers..
watch Dan spin..I'm surprised he sat through it. Him sitting through that shows just how conflicted he is. it also shows he's not sure he's truly done..
your mission, should you accept it, is not to get on his coaster..do not spin with him..
I am sure that Dan loves you. Here is the problem. He doesn't love himself. He is broken. I know I've said it before, but it's true. He needs help. Until he gets help he won't be happy.
Don't for a second think this is about you. It's all about him.
I am not spinning with him, I promise. I have always been clear on what I want, not backing down from that. If he wants to leave, he can leave at any time. But I will not throw him out (although my parents want me to! :()
I thought of you last night, Mike. I knew you had mentioned this Sparks guy before...didn't he do "Nights in Rodanthe"? Which I have not seen yet....Also many years ago H asked me to buy him the book "Smoke Jumper" which I think was also by Sparks, I wound up reading it myself...
Back to the point--I too was surprised that Dan watched the whole thing. It was on a cable channel with commercials, so he flipped to Sports Center on the commercials, but flipped back every time to watch the rest of the movie. And cried in front of me....it actually helped me to watch the movie to remind me the kind of love I have for Dan, and the kind I want for myself.
He is such a fool, so messed up. Doesn't he know that I would do the same for him as the husband did for his wife in the movie? I would live with him in that nursing home, even when he didn't know me anymore....actually I am sure he DOES know that about me which is why he is so conflicted....
But I want someone who will be willing to put themselves out there for ME in return........
We shall see if the story's message marinates in Dan's brain....
I think he is pretty much figuring out he is broken....admitting to me that he has tried to buy all kinds of toys (trucks, tractors, cows) to fill the hole but still not being happy was a big step, I think...
Funny, I told him the same thing in July when he asked me why he couldn't be happy...I said he was trying to buy happiness and it didn't work that way. At the time, he thought I was wrong, and now he is saying the same thing.
And when I wrote him my love/commitment pledge for Retro 6 weeks ago, he thought it was all fairy-tale, unrealistic stuff. Now 6 weeks later he is saying that is the kind of love he wants...
I think Dan's layers are peeling back and he isn't too happy with what he sees......don't know what that will mean but I hope for his sake he can get a handle on himself. He knows, that is his job not mine...
I am not spinning with him, I promise. I have always been clear on what I want, not backing down from that. If he wants to leave, he can leave at any time. But I will not throw him out (although my parents want me to! :()
I thought of you last night, Mike. I knew you had mentioned this Sparks guy before...didn't he do "Nights in Rodanthe"? Which I have not seen yet....Also many years ago H asked me to buy him the book "Smoke Jumper" which I think was also by Sparks, I wound up reading it myself...
Back to the point--I too was surprised that Dan watched the whole thing. It was on a cable channel with commercials, so he flipped to Sports Center on the commercials, but flipped back every time to watch the rest of the movie. And cried in front of me....it actually helped me to watch the movie to remind me the kind of love I have for Dan, and the kind I want for myself.
He is such a fool, so messed up. Doesn't he know that I would do the same for him as the husband did for his wife in the movie? I would live with him in that nursing home, even when he didn't know me anymore....actually I am sure he DOES know that about me which is why he is so conflicted....
But I want someone who will be willing to put themselves out there for ME in return........
We shall see if the story's message marinates in Dan's brain....
yep..I'm a sappy Sparks fan..Message in a bottle, Nights in Rodanthe(don't go see that BBJ, you may not be ready for that)dear John..I don't think he did smoke jumper but not for sure..True Believer, A walk to remember..the wedding..
good don't spin..anymore..ever
and your Big Bro is right again..Dan is broken beyond broke..
I am not good at predicting the future, so I maybe I am off-base. But I am thinking that now that his dissatisfaction is out, what will happen is that he will take his unhappiness and spread it around. You will be unhappy, and the kids will be unhappy. It seems to me that you need to make a bargain. Until he is ready to do something different, i.e. move out, he needs to not share his unhappiness with the rest of the family. He needs to act as if he is happy, and live as a husband and father. Just because he has shared with you his inner misgivings, is not a justification for dating other women while married, or having temper tantrums around the house.
GF40 and I have been watching the Notebook also over the last week. Other things keep getting in the way that prevents us from finishing it (nudge wink). However, the guy she was engaged to was a nice good looking fella too and you have to feel bad that she has to dump him for the main character.
I like the scene in the boat with all of the geese.
The movie seems to be one of the better romantic movies made.
Yeah that was the only drawback to the movie, and lots of romantic movies. There is always that stock, "good guy/girl" the one who seems perfect "on paper", who hasn't done anything wrong per se, but there just isn't that 'connection'...
Whenever I see that I cringe a little b/c I wonder if that is what Dan tells himself about me, I am wonderful 'on paper', I SHOULD be great for him, but there isn't that little spark...
I am looking into a new book today. It is called "Too good to leave, too bad to stay", or maybe it is vice versa, can't remember exactly. But anyway the review I read says that being in limboland is toxic to your body/your life. It says it is imperative that you make a decision one way or another. Apparently it leads you through a series of questions to help you determine whether you are focusing on the negative when, with some effort, your relationship could be amazing; or, if you are trying to see the positive in a relationship that will never fulfill you...
Anyone heard of it? Thoughts? I may get it after work tonight and check it out. I previewed it on amazon and read the first couple pages. It sounded even-handed, the author was just as adamant that some people waste their lives thinking about leaving when that same energy could be spent enjoying their marriage, as she spent on people hanging on to something that was already gone...
