I'm so sorry you saw that message on FB. The first thing that comes to mind is that you really need to find a way to not see those things. Can you change the privacy settings somehow? I don't think it does you any good to see these things being posted.
I don't think it'll help you think about her motivation in posting it. From what I can remember, she's young and naive, and she's a typical OW....
The goal of DBing is to save yourself and your M. You don't really need saving- you're together, confident, GALing for England and independent. The point of your actions should therefore be to save your M, assuming that's what you want to do. From that point of view, I think your best bet is to follow Jody's advice- wait and see what happens and how he responds to your letter.
I'd disagree on calling your H and having a conversation to discuss the exact situation and get it clear in your head (I think that's what you're suggesting Al?) because it will do the following things....
1. make him feel uncomfortable and push him away 2. force you to hear things that maybe you don't want to hear (think effects of snooping here) 3. make him more entrenched in his current actions (as any even vague hint to him that he's doing the wrong thing will make him feel even more like doing it).
You need to maintain a friendship with H to save the M when the OW crashes and burns. At some point it will (remember that this is a crisis affair/band-aid thing), and then he'll be more available to work on the R. IMHO the friendship is what you need to focus on rather than anything romantic. In the words of MWD, ask yourself whether your actions support your overall goal, and then if they do, do it. If they don't, stop doing them!
