Well I did everything wrong today but don't really care at this point. W went away for weekend, was expecting her to be by to pick up kids in morning, shows up at 2:30. I just say hi & try to get kids to get their shoes. W asks what is wrong - I say nothing is the matter. W says seems you want to say something. I say there are a million things I want to say but I'd rather just say nothing.
You need to stop looking like you want to talk. She can read you like a book. you did not keep your PMA and she knew something was bothering you and that lead to:
Originally Posted By: Kakatal
Ended up having a 1 hr discussion about the R. Went over the past 2 weeks, how expectations I read into, how she now doesn't now what to do with me since can't seem to get it through to me that we are done, she isn't coming back, these talks just put pressure on her & she feels bad since she sees that I am hurting.
Just told her that I think it would be easier to just meet someone new who didn't have to deal with me & my past behavior than try to get you to see me in a new light. Don't feel you will ever give me or us a 2nd chance. Just have come to the realization that we are done & I need to just move on with my life. Would like to be friends but won't be doing any gift buying, note writing or anything else since that is what I would do for my w. W felt that all those things were done out of friendship. Told w that this will be the last conversation I ever have about our R or our M. W said she went away for weekend, came back all relaxed & now felt like crap. Said I was sorry & she left.
Now you are in over your head. You know that this will get you nowhere at this point in the R yet you let yourself get dragged into it. You sound needy, clingy and not at all like the strong independent person you should be. The person she wants. You need to keep your mouth shut and give her an excuse any excuse as to why you are acting that way. Come on K your can do this. Stop shoting yourself in the foot. Now she has transfered her guilt to you and you:
Originally Posted By: Kakatal
Called w hour later to ask if she was keeping kids overnight or not. W said she just had an issue at her grandparents & doesn't really have anywhere to keep kids overnight. I said I was sorry for ruining her weekend. W said that everyone is out to do that to her. Asked her to listen - that I was trying to apologize for my actions. W says ok - thanks for that.
Ask her if she wants to talk about what happened. W says S4 would not get out of the car, then finally did & just sat in entry way to house crying, grandfather gave his 2 cents over what to do (must have led to some confrontation). Now w was at bank & D2 was sleeping - very frustrated. Then w starts on a rant - Complains how she doesn't have money to get her own place, people ask her how come she doesn't take me to court to get money out of me - she says that having both of us live in apartments isn't good for kids, how she is sacrificing for the kids in that manner, has a job only working 2 days a week, can't afford to take kids anywhere, I have a great paying job & can afford everything.
I just tell her I understand her frustrations. W says she doesn't want my sympathy 3 times during rant. I finally tell her I am not giving her any advice, sympathy or solutions - just listening to her. Said I wish there was more I could do to help. Say bye & hang up.
Get drawn into it again. This time you did it by calling. See where all this started. A simple attitude ajustment at the begining and ALL this would have been avoided. You know when you are going to see her. Prepare for it like anything else in your life. Get your frustrations out before she gets there. Put on your best clothes and colone and have a huge smile and a PMA going when she gets there.
Remember she is just as FU in her head as you are right now. She is hurt, confused and does not know what to do. Everybody is hounding her and you keep adding to it. Think of how things were going last week when you were doing your own thing. Expecting nothing and working on yourself. This all started when you started to read into things and expect stuff from your W.
Get back to that. Stop worring about her and what she wants and what she is thinking or doing. Take care of you and those kids and let all this other BS go. It does neither of you any good. Patience and Time.
Originally Posted By: Kakatal
Feeling done at this point - done with loving someone who just rejects you. Really feel that life for me will get better without her in it. Focusing on myself & just moving on.
This is up to you but you knew this was not going to be either easy or painless. Take a deep breath and take a couple of days to get yourself centered again and look at your sitch with unemotional eyes before doing something rash. Remember you will have this woman in your life for the rest of your life so either way you will need to learn how to get along with her.
