Tonight I did a gym class which I have not done for 3 weeks and eveeyone was staring because i had lost so much weight.
It was the hardest thing I have ever had to do. It was the longest hour. But I did it. I also organised someone to come clean the house tomorrow. I still feel like blubbering but kept it in check. Possibly went a few minuites not thinking about H.
Of course you do. I think you are almost reminding yourself to think about him. Almost as if it was mandatory. Keep GAL it is working...you just don't see that yet.
kat
Me-53(and learning!) S24, S21, D18, D17 Just keep swimming, Just keep swimming. Dory
This morning I feel physically sick at the thought of seeing him.
I am determined not to cry beforehand so I look my best. The struggle i have is keeping upbeat.
He has kept to the agreement and not contacted me , which i think is beginning to upset me. as I think he is so busy with OW , it is easier not to have to look at me. All in my head of course, nothing to substantiate that.
Not sure how men react to things. Is 2-3 weeks still early days to hope for some sign , that he is thinking about me. I feel so stupid when I read that back.
Imagine how i looked to him this past year as I clung to a dying marriage. It is pathetic.
I went to work, I looked good, I was friendly but not too friendly, nothing personal asked or answered.\
H was not a happy camper. He seemed depressed. Looked terrible and had lost weight as well.
I told him that I was using business to pay for C, he said he was pleased that I was seeing one ( his tone did not suggest he was pleased ) i said " oh i am going to Australia on Saturday, your welcome to stay at home and have them, if its a problem mum will come and stay" He readily agreed but thought they might like to stay at his mums. I said no as D16 is sitting her final exams ( your high school diploma ) and needed to be around home for study etc. Then said bye i will leave it with you.
He seemed shocked that i was going .
I feel so much more powerful. I came home D18 cooked BLT which i ate, my house was cleaned top to bottom by cleaners, now I have on bikini and i am off to sunbathe! wont be long though our sun rays are deadly. That whole in ozone is above us and we burn in minutes ( although not that quick just yet )
i feel somewhat human. Can I count H misery as step in right direction ?
I am so proud of the effort that you put forth today. You did everything right. You went in there looking good. Made minimal, but only necessary contact. Created a little mystery about what you were doing by letting him know that you were going to Australia for the weekend. Good Job!!!
See how you feel when you put your mind into and act "as if." It's a wonderful feeling.
As far as the misery of your H being a step in the right direction; I would only caution you to realize that he looks unhappy and nothing else. Don't count your efforts at DB'ing as to the cause of his misery. His misery is of his doing; what we hope will happen is that he will see how happy you are and want to come back.
Just read my post. My spelling is shocking. By them I mean kids and by whole I mean hole.
Yes I agree, that we dont know the cause of H's misery. Cant be my fault, as I am in no contact. He has what he asked for - freedom.
I think H does not know how to come back. He has this stubborn pride and the sad thing is no-one knows of A except me , him and OM. Which is probably enough when I think about it.
I know that he dearly loves his children and he was raised to be a responsible husband and father. BUT I have to not be concerned about that. I cannot help him back. I tried for a couple of years. He needs to come to terms with his choices and I must let him do what is right for him.
I know he does not like this home as 1 of the 2 PA happened here in our guest room. It was minutes and uneventful, in fact dreadful and no grand finale! But I suppose H looks for reasons as to why he may be unhappy and blames everything except what is obvious to me and our families and that is a reunited family.
Like SPM I will wait till he has bought his own place etc etc and see if he does find the peace he needs. I suspect not But who knows.
Just sitting here humming to myself and pondering a problem.
According to my email of 2 weeks ago, one of my boundries was he was to contact me, via email by 9.am on a Wednesday with catch up on business and wages.
Today he has not done this. He has disrespected my wishes, what do I do ?
I dont want to call him. Thats a huge No No for me. His workers have to be paid.
Any advice what to do ?
Concerns: I am not Dbing by not contacting him. causing waves.
If there are valid business concerns; I say that is a priority that needs to be taken care of. Just keep the conversation on the business. Try not to get baited into R talks.
I dont think he is even thinking R conversations. He emailed at 9.37 apparently and it was a nice email, asking my opinion on increasing an employees payrate ( no need to ask ! )and wishing me a good trip.
