Where do I begin?

[runningoutoftime]

Yes, it sounds like you still have a lot of anger. I remember having that too and feeling absolutely livid.... for a looooong time...

My advice to you... consider separating before filing for D. Don't D out of anger. Work though that anger. It's much easier to work through it with him then while going through D. Once you get to a mentally healthy place then you can make a mentally healthy decision.

You don't need to open up and put yourself out there. Just try to start at zero and work towards merely becoming friends. My gosh, your marriage is like some building that has crumbled and fallen completely apart. You cannot expect much from a broken building. It requires rebuilding once little piece at a time.Just be co-parents and see if you can somehow develop a friendship. Don't ask anything of each other.

You can always D this guy. And you can know in the back of your head you will.... but just try working through this anger and becoming friends. Nothing more. Are you seeing a C just for yourself?

P.S..... of course you don't need some young dude to feel better about yourself. You are smart enough to realize it doesn't really work. It's just a temporary fix like drugs or alcohol and you already know you are strong enough and love yourself enough you don't need some quick, temporary fix. But some people are weak... actually a lot are! And that weakness doesn't make them any more happy or fufilled in the long run... if anything it just makes them feel even more like a failure.