Nicola: I think there are a million listings for salsa fiesta on there. How do I narrow it down?
WCW: thanks for the warning--I've noticed the kerfuffle about that and other stuff. I will try to search by email address. If that doesn't work, I'll figure out a way to tell you where I am.
UPDATE: warning--it's long one.
Well, H came over not long after I posted here last, and we had a lovely time together. Like WCW said, it was pretty cozy here that night, and he seemed to feel comfortable as a result. I told him not to stay away so damned long.
Then I was out on Thursday after work with 2 FFs from work who both know about my situation. FF1 is the one who got married in WI this summer; FF2 is the one I drove with to and from the ariport and who gave the Halloween party. FF1 has a lot of issues in her M that have to do with internet porn--they are seeing a C and it sounds like things are going well there. FF1 also has a good friend that works with H--she is actually on his teaching team. I know that this friend has heard things about H and our M and I've been trying to find a way to talk to FF1 about it because I'm uncomfortable with this person knowing my business when I don't reallly know her. We just haven't seen each other privately to have that convo.
So FF2 asked how things were going with H. I said OK. Then the time seemed good and natural, so I asked FF1 about her friend. She told me that this friend overheard H telling people quite openly and casually that he is dating someone with 2 girls; that he makes breakfast for 3 people,; and that when he was going away on a trip, he was concerned that the girls would be OK. Also, he told this person, "My ex-wife's brother died."
Huh?
This was painful to hear. FF2 was shocked. FF1 was upset. I was upset. We were all upset together.
FF2 had to leave. FF1 and I went for a walk while I processed this info. It sounds so unlike H because he is vehemently private about this situation. He hates that peole talk about him and speculate about his marital status. He has no good friends at work now. Why would he change this deeply ingrained pattern all of a sudden? FF1's story changed slightly while we talked--someone else asked about the girls when H was going away--but she was firm that he told her friend that his XW's brother died.
When I left FF1, I decided to see Virago, the tarot reader. I've mentioned before that she was a couples counselor for 15 years, and her advice is more than just laying out cards. I told her the whole shebang, and she said that he never said these things. She pointed out that when he was hot and heavy with ow, he was very distant when we ML, and that that is not true now. He NEVER shared any of that info before--why would he now? She talked about the game Telephone, where you line up people and whisper into one person's ear, and by the end, the message is totally distorted. This all made sense. Then she read the cards, and they backed up what she said. She maintains that FF1's friend is stirring up the gossipy sh!t and that FF1 herself is projecting her own marital problems onto me and my M. She encouraged me not to talk to H about this at all because it would just make him mad. She also encoraged me not to share stuff about my R with FF1 anymore. This was interesting because in the reading on Sunday she asked if I had a friend at work who was talking about me and told me to watch out for this person. Hmmm.
Then I called a friend who is a school counselor--she's the person I drove with to the concert the other night. She agreed that I can't be 100% sure of who said what and that I should let the questions about the "dating" go, BUT she said that the XW comment affects me directly and thought I should talk to H about it and go from there.
So I called H with no success. I left a VM the third time and said I needed to talk to him and asked him to call be back when he got a chance. At 10PM I turned off my cell without anything from him. The land line rang at 11PM, but I ignored it. I was not going to try to have this convo after being jolted out of sleep and without my wits about me.
In the morning, I saw that he tried to call my cell 3 times before the call on the land line. I decided I'd call him when I was having breakfast--that's after showering, dressing, feeding the cats, and meditating. He called again when I was in the shower. He called again halfway through the meditation, and this time I answered because I was centered and focused.
"I tried to call you," he said.
"Oh really?" I said innocently.
Then I told him I had to talk about something difficult, was he ready? He guessed so but he was in the car. We could discuss it later if he wished, I said, but he said no. So I told him that someone at work told me that freind who works with him said that he said his XW's brother died, and I asked him directly if he had referred to me as his XW.
He said no. Never. But he does not correct people when they assume that we're D'ed because he does not want to discuss this with ANYONE. I knew all this already. I told him that it was hard enough to deal with this without other people talking about it, and he agreed. He said that a coworker approached him in the hall the other day and asked him directly if he and his wife weren't together anymore. He said he got a sour look on his face and said, "I guess not. I don't want to talk about it." I pointed out that now he's put that out there for the rumor mill.
He wanted to know who told me this, and I named someone who has no connection to his school. He asked why she would care, and I suggested that she might be concerned for me, but he said she was fishing for info. I said that I told her that I was not D'ed and that her friend must be mistaken. He sort of said, "Hmm," and I said, "Because I am not your ex-wife, H."
Then we chatted about some other stuff. He told me he'd taken the day off to hunt. I wished him luck and thanked him for calling. And that was that.
FF2 took me out for a beer that day(Friday) after work. She assured me that she knew nothing about FF1's friend. She agreed that it would be weird for H to abruptly 180 in his behavior. She also pointed out that FF1 is in no postion to judge my M.
I left H a VM about the hockey game last night and checked about his hunting success today. No response.
So now what? I can't think of a reason that FF1's friend would make this up, but it is possible that she misheard some convo and/or misreported it. It all sounds so unlike H, even MLCBS H.
BUT...
I don't want to be taken for a fool. H has lied about a lot of stuff in the past--why not lie now? If he IS having those convos, now he knows that it's getting back to me and he'd better knock it off.
Oy vey. I guess I've taken yet another leap of faith...but I'm still watching.
