Thanks cotoffgard. How are things in your situation?
I know it will be a long road to recovery for us. In a lot of ways I have thrown my hands up in the air even if it doesn't come accross in my postings. We did have the confrontation last Tuesday when my W was finally caught and the affair was brought out into the light.
I just feel I've been so angry and resentful of her and her family that I question whether I should even give her another chance and if she'll come back even if she breaks it off with this guy.
I know it doesn't matter until the time comes and I need to be the best me I can be in the mean time, but it is hard.
I think the anger will subside eventually, but I understand how dismayed you are right now after confirming your suspicions.
Now the cat's out of the bag, so what are you going to do with yourself is the question. I say it's time for the deconstruction of makingchanges. Let go of the hate and anger, and replenish with happiness. No fair that your W is out there having a blast while you're stuck at home seething.
Although I really can't offer advice on how to deal with your W, I can offer a few things here and there about my approach to GAL'ing. I laid out my GAL master plan and some perspective on Bettou's thread:
Might I suggest that you have your best PMA on show for the next meeting?
Might be the only way to show that you're acting "as if." I told my W about 2 months ago, while she was at her peak of running around, that I was restricting her cell phone plan, not paying for her gas, and putting me and the kids on a schedule where we didn't need her. Then I told her that I was done being angry about it because 1. She didn't give a crap whether or not I was angry. 2. Because of that, the anger was only hurting me.
Fast forward about 2 weeks, the cell restrictions hit while she was at a bar. She wakes me up at 1:20 am to bless me up and down. I politely reminded her that I told her that I was going to restrict her cell phone; that I wasn't going to fund her indiscretions. After about 20 mins. she said "I don't know why you're not angry; if you were this would be so much easier." It was then that I knew I had the payoff for not letting the anger show around her.
Have you considered asking your IC for grief therapy? Although you feel anger at the moment, it sounds like you're letting loose a lot of grief over your sitch, and GT could be very beneficial.
- Me = 32 y/o - WAW = 32 y/o - M = 2.5 yrs, T = 12.5 yrs - No kids - Bomb, WAW moved out, D filed = 8/15/08
I actually have a call in to the therapist that I have requested for court appointed conciliation. I'm hoping to meet with her this weekend individually.
She has been to Michele's seminars and is a solution-based, behavior therapist.
I have done a lot of venting to my brother lately. He does a pretty good job of helping me see the big picture and continue to move forward even though I don't like what is happening currently.
The Sunday night exchanges get me fired up, and the lack of communication during the week really weighs on me.
We should be buying a new house, we should be planning for the holidays, we should be enjoying life as a family. We shouldn't be dealing with this crap.
Theoretically, infidelity is thought to destabilize marriage. It negates the couple's closed network of intimacy, undermines assumptions of mutual "ownership," and short circuits the solidarity that comes when one's partner is the sole source of a valued (sexual) service. Sexual affairs divert time, energy, and money away from the marital relationship. Perhaps because they are more likely to involve an emotional component, women's affairs are argued to be more likely than men's to result in divorce and to lead to a new committed relationship (Lawson 1988).
