Is this worth saving, or am I only fooling myself?

[Dash]

I think you should wait 3-4 hours (so not "at her beckon call"), and then text back a modified version of T2L's suggestion: "Sorry, I just got this. Did you get this taken care of? I wish i could help but I have already made plans and I am unable to help. You might want to try Costco or another office to get them."

I think this is a good route to take. Except the part where I say "sorry", frankly I have nothing to be sorry for at this point. I've made my apologies for my part of our problems.

I think I'll text her the number of the place where we got our eye exams and suggest she try to get them to fax the prescription to someplace locally to her to pick up a pair of lenses. If it's about the money she'll balk at this idea or tell me she's now using her maiden name and no longer has any ID with my last name on it.

I don't know what to tell her if that ends up being the case. I suppose I could lend her the money and take it out of what I give her for CS. I'd have to have a receipt though, just to cover my own behind.

Maybe I should tell her: "Be careful of the toes you step on today because they may be attached to the butt you need to kiss tomorrow." lol

[Dash]

Okay, I took the high road. (I think. )

TM to W: Did you get this taken care of? The number for the place where we got our exams is xxx-xxx-xxxx. They'll be able to fax your rx to someplace locally for you to be able to pick up lenses.

I sent it a little over four hours after I received hers.

No response. Either she's mad or she's making me wait.

Either way, it matters not.

[kat727]

Hey, you did what you could do. Nothing for a reasonable person to be mad about. (Besides it is a lot more than Euro-boy could have done)

kat

[Dash]

Hey, you did what you could do. Nothing for a reasonable person to be mad about. (Besides it is a lot more than Euro-boy could have done)

kat

Yeah, I'm not sure why she couldn't just get on the internet and look up the number herself. I guess that would take time away from talking to Euro-trash. Although in all honesty, I have to wonder what sorts of lies she's told him. He could actually be an innocent victim in all of this as well.

Of course, her memory does seem to have a few holes in it so maybe she forgot where we got the eye exams (sarcasm). I know she often forgets which lies she's told and to whom she's told them.

She did reply finally with "Thanks for the number. I can't find my ID, I hope it doesn't matter about the name on the prescription."

I didn't and won't respond to it. To me it's just her way of rubbing my nose in the fact that she's gone back to using her maiden name.

It's good to be able to come here and vent. It keeps me sane and keeps me from saying some truly evil things to her. Things I would probably regret saying later, whether she deserves to hear them or not, that's just not who I am.

Thanks for "listening" folks, you're all peaches as far as I'm concerned.

[Puppy Dog Tails]

It's good to be able to come here and vent. It keeps me sane and keeps me from saying some truly evil things to her. Things I would probably regret saying later, whether she deserves to hear them or not, that's just not who I am.

And there, you've just hit on the REAL purpose of the DB message boards, LOL.

Puppy

[Dash]

I screwed up and did a huge backslide yesterday.

At least I think we may have had an honest conversation for once.

Found out the EA is not the first, in fact he's the third, and it's his second go around with her. All within the past 7 months.

He's not in Germany, he's in Holland.

She says she is completely done with us. I told her I wasn't going to file for divorce that she would have to since she's the one that wants it. She said she would.

Do I start DB'ing again? Is it really worth it? She still puts it all on me and blames me for everything. She was pissed that I didn't bring her the lenses the other day and said she had to spend 50 bucks she didn't have in order to get them.

I don't know what to do now. I'm not sure if I want to do anything, but I still have this emptiness and aching inside. And I really don't like the idea of divorce, but I have never seen a woman with no remorse or guilt what so ever.

In fact her answer to me was that she has never really felt guilt, to her once a choice is made, it's made, no sense in regretting it. And I have never seen a person be so cold. I really don't think she has a conscience.

[marriedCrazy]

You do continue to DB, if for no other reason than to save yourself.

It will be to your W if she wishes to come back..

I feel for you Dash, my W has no guilt or remorse over what she's doing to me and the kids either.

Look out for you and better days will be ahead with or without the W.

[kat727]

Sadly, I think this is the norm for WAS. Mine hasn't felt that he has done a thing wrong, even with the divorce and most likely bankruptcy looming on the horizon. I don't like him at all. the man I loved is gone and I have mourned him and us. Now we (the kids and I) just need to buckle down and get through this next disaster he has whipped up. Sorry for the highjack but this just brings up all these feelings.

Sorry they are just selfish and place all the blame on us.

kat

[Trying2live]

Dash,
I am sorry for all you heard from you W. So you back slid big deal who cares forgive yourself and keep going. We all blow it at times but it matters not. So brush it off okay. My encouragement to you is to ignore the fog babble if you are still in the mode where you want the marriage? It sounds like from your post that you do not want divorce. Now you must understand that most of what they say at this point is from the fog.

Fog makes them self centered, selfish and unable to have normal rational thinking. Also in the book I recommended it explains the addiction to infidelity as well. Have you gotten that book yet? Please consider getting it. Its Surviving An Affair by Willard Harley. Along with GAL'ing and 180 it's really gonna help you. During this fog it can lift at times then they go right back into it. Ignore fog babble, have no expectations of rational thinking while they are in this mode. Dont talk about the relationship or the other person and don't try to be their conscience it won't work and only make matters worse and you will feel worse. Plus guess what Fog babble makes you say you have no guilt! My h said the same thing to me, but guess what he has changed his tune so please just disregard this talk. You don't know when its quiet and she lays her head on her pillow what is going on.

DB'ing to me is great either way. It's so important to GAL and 180. Again GAL'ing will help you stay for the long run of what this may be. And 180 is necessary, because whether our spouse is with us or not someone will benefit from the new and improved you. So what ever spouse may have complained about try and 180. Now again, even if you did miss a few bases I am not saying this is your fault or condoning the affair. Just like in the DR book Michelle says to do your investigating. Why is spouse attracted to that person. You say that it was an EA so there is a big hint. IT would really help if you got the book SAA because it will show you how to meet some needs and also gives a good plan of recovery, that's if that's what you want.

Right now just don't put too much stock into what spouse is saying. Have you found a GAL yet. Was it you that wanted to take guitar lessons? Sorry I browse alot and can't remember if it was you. If you jump on that. Its going to help you for endurance purposes.

[faithrunner]

Hi Dash, I'm sorry you had such a rough afternoon. I wanted to comment that my H has terrible guilt and remorse, and it doesn't change a darn thing! It's just another form of the fog babble that T2L was telling you about. He has even started writing in emails to my family,"I feel like such a failure." I want to shake him and say "so don't be one!" WAS have their heads on totally backwards. And, I think they love to say they're done with us for two reasons, to end the conversation and to convince themselves.