My crazy mess....what version is this now???!!!

[christarn]

Thanks for the words of encouragement VS. I am just flustered right now.

H and I are supposed to have this paperwork signed. I used a "nice" sum of money(my inheritance...i have lost both of my parents) to build a machine shed, deck, pool, put in central AC/heat at his home/our marital home. So the paperwork which I am going to sign forfeits me getting any money from him, even though by law he would have to give the inheritance back. I guess what I am saying is, right now I am really confused....he said in multiple text messages he is in this for the "right reasons" meaning our M; he stated this wasn't a joke to him; he said he needed the paperwork signed to make himself feel better...so he could stop worrying about all of this. I asked him last week about what he was going to do when C reccomends he stop seeing OW...he said he didn't know. Now to have confirmation she spent the whole weekend there...it just makes me leary about his motives. Is he really in this for our M as I am, or does he just not want to pay money...and how will i know? If the money were not a factor, would he still go to C with me? or would we already be D? His actions this weekend are just saying a lot.

When I found out she was there, I called him and asked how he was feeling, since he said he was sick last week and wasn't able to attend MC. I asked him how long he wanted my L to put the MC timeing on the paperwork...meaning are we going to try this for 2 months, 4 months, or 6 months. He said 4. I said 6. I then said it wasn't a joke to me, he didn't reply. I then asked if he was going to quit seeing OW, he said we would have to talk about that later.

I went out with friends last night had a good time. Even sent H a random text...probably wasn't with my better judgment. I then text him early this morning and said we probably needed to talk before the paper work was signed. I just need some kind of assurance or peace of mind he is in this for our R/M. He's just made comments like last night he said "what happens after 2 months if we know it's not gonna work"...things like that just make me wonder??? I told him I believed our M was going to work, so I didn't even want to think like that.

So that was the weekend of events....any advice?

I can't help but wonder if he gets to MC and we start doing things together if things won't start to change. I don't know...it's been a long rough weekend. I just wish I knew what he was thinking. Wouldn't that be nice!!!! LOL!!!

(((VS)))
christa